It can be intimidating to ask a guy to be your boyfriend, but it doesn’t have to be. You can have a meaningful conversation about the future of your relationship with a guy without feeling stressed if you have the right mindset.
Deciding If You Are Ready
1. Determine whether you are prepared to make a commitment. The decision to commit can be difficult. A variety of factors can influence whether or not you are ready for a committed, long-term relationship. Every situation is unique, and you may have certain expectations for a relationship. Consider this: How do I feel about him? Do I get pumped up when we’re together? Do I miss him when he’s not around?
Is it possible for me to handle the time commitment of a serious relationship right now? What kind of relationship do I seek?
Have we ever fought? If so, how did we deal with it?
Is he respectful of me? Are there any red flags I am concerned about? Is it true that I have reservations about his character? Do I believe him?
What are my thoughts on monogamy? Do I want to be in a relationship with only one person? If so, am I willing to commit to being monogamous with this man? If not, are both parties willing to engage in a polyamorous relationship?
Is it because he makes me happy that I’m doing this? Or are other people putting pressure on me to get a boyfriend?
2. Take into account the length of your relationship. If the feeling isn’t mutual, asking your guy to be your boyfriend too soon can scare him away, but waiting too long can cause confusion and hurt feelings. Because every relationship is unique, there is no set amount of time you should wait before asking. Believe in your instincts. If the timing feels right, it could be.
If you’ve just met him, you might want to go on a few dates with him before asking him to be your boyfriend. You might not want to make a commitment to someone you’ve just met.
After about six dates or one month, many people ask a partner to become steady or exclusive.
Some people wait three months after they’ve been dating to have the talk.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, you should have this conversation sooner rather than later. Even if you are far apart, this will help both parties understand what is expected.
3. Determine whether or not the guy is interested. You should have a good idea of how the guy feels about you. The only way to be certain about his feelings is to ask him, but you can look for signs that may indicate his feelings.
If a man mentions future plans, it could be a sign that he intends to stay with you.
If he brags about you to others, especially his friends, it could indicate that he is proud to be around you.
If he texts you throughout the day asking how you are, it could mean that he is thinking about you a lot.
If you see each other several times a week and spend every weekend together, it could be a sign that he is becoming more invested in you.
4. Be prepared to be rejected. While you hope he will agree to be your boyfriend, keep in mind that he may decline. Your man might not be ready for a serious relationship with you, or he may dislike using titles or labels to describe your relationship. Consider how you will respond to a rejection.
If you want to be in a serious relationship with someone who will commit to you, you may have to break up with him if he says no. This will allow you to meet someone who is also looking for a serious relationship.
If you’re happy in your relationship, you might decide to keep it that way until he’s ready to become your boyfriend.
If you have strong feelings for this guy, you may have to decide whether or not to hang out with him afterwards. You may decide to remain friends, or you may decide to cut off contact until you have gotten over him.
Choosing the Right Moment
1. Make a plan. It will be easier for you to ask the question if you know when you are going to ask it. You can prepare for the conversation ahead of time, or you can choose the best time to bring it up. There is no such thing as a perfect time to ask a guy to be your boyfriend. Examine your personal situation carefully.
Some people schedule a special date and have this conversation at the end of the date. Others find that this conversation comes naturally when they are alone together. In any case, plan a good day ahead of time.
Do not ask during a stressful, upset, or busy period for the guy. He may be taken aback by the question, which may influence his response.
You can practise what you will say ahead of time if you are nervous, anxious, or jittery. Try starting the conversation and asking the question in front of a mirror.
2. Let’s meet in person. It may be tempting to text or message a guy to ask him a question, but these are best answered in person. Speaking in person allows you to consider various options for your relationship. If the guy has any questions or concerns, you can address them together.
It may be difficult to meet in person if you are in a long-distance relationship. If you can have this conversation during a visit, you might want to wait until the end to ask in case you get a negative response. If you can’t ask him in person, calling him is your best bet.
3. Find a suitable location for a conversation. There is no one right place to talk about your relationship, but it should be somewhere where you can both express your feelings and plan your future together. Think about what is best for both you and the guy.
You should probably have this conversation when the two of you are alone. You could bring up the subject during a walk on the beach, in the park, or in one of your homes.
If there is a place that is special to both of you, such as the location of your first date or a favourite monument, you may want to hold the conversation there to make it more memorable.
Make certain that the man is not distracted. Do not ask him during a movie, a night out with friends, or while he is at work.
If you ask him while you’re driving or eating in a restaurant, he might feel trapped. Have the conversation in a location where both of you are at ease.
4. Introduce the question at the appropriate time. You should concentrate on remaining relaxed while out on your planned day. Wait until there is a good opportunity to bring up the subject. Wait for the “right” or “special” moment. If you are having trouble with this, you can follow some general guidelines.
If he compliments you, you could respond by complimenting him back, sparking a conversation about what you like about each other. This is a natural transition into the relationship discussion.
You could bring up the subject if there is a period of silence. Say how happy you are right now and see if the topic comes up.
You can say at the end of your date or hang out, “Hey, before you go, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
5. Consider deferring until your guy brings it up. If calling him your “boyfriend” isn’t a high priority for you, consider waiting to see if he brings it up first. This also allows you to determine whether your man is comfortable using titles or labels to define your relationship. This could be a good option if you are unsure about your feelings or if you believe he is unsure about the relationship.
Do not sit around for an eternity waiting for a guy to ask the question. Make a date for yourself before approaching him. For example, you could wait a month before approaching him.
Asking the Question
1. Begin with a compliment. Tell him what you admire about him. This flattery will relax him, making it much easier to bring up the subject of the relationship. A compliment about his wit, intelligence, or kindness is a nice way to express how you feel about him.
“You know, you’re so funny,” you might say. I’ve never met anyone like you.”
Another positive comment is, “You are very thoughtful.” Your gestures have moved me deeply.”
If he smiles, thanks you, or compliments you back, it could be a sign that he feels the same way about you.
2. Describe your feelings toward him. It may be easier to begin explaining your feelings for him once you’ve started on a positive note. If your compliment elicited a positive response, you may want to delve deeper into your emotions. Tell him how you feel about him. You could say that you’ve been enjoying your time together so far or that you’re starting to develop feelings for each other.
“I’ve had such a good time with you so far,” you might say. You’re a one-of-a-kind individual, and I’ve been thinking a lot about our relationship.”
At this point, you should probably avoid telling him you love him. He may become afraid or concerned that the relationship is progressing too quickly. Instead, you could say you’re “developing feelings” for him or that you “really like” him.
3. Inquire if your guy wants to be your boyfriend. It is best to ask him directly whether he is prepared to be your boyfriend. You can approach this question in a variety of ways depending on the circumstances.
You can directly ask him, “Do you want to make this official?” “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”
If you’re unsure about your relationship’s status, you can ask, “Where do you see this relationship going?”
If either of you is dating more than one person, you can ask, “Do you want to start seeing each other exclusively?”
If you want to know how he sees you, you could say, “I’d like to know what to tell other people when they ask about our relationship.” “Would you consider yourself my boyfriend?”
4. Determine your expectations. You and your partner may have different ideas about what a stable relationship entails. Maybe he’s ready to date you exclusively but not meet your family. Perhaps he wants to have sex, but you prefer to wait. When you have the conversation, you should both state clearly what you expect from the situation.
You could start by asking him, “What does being a boyfriend mean to you?”
If he asks you what you want from a relationship, tell him the truth. As an example, you could say, “I expect a man to be faithful and truthful with me. I’m not yet ready for marriage, but I’d like to investigate the possibility of a more serious relationship.”
5. Allow him some time to respond. The question may have made the guy feel pressured or uneasy. If he appears anxious, uncomfortable, or hesitant, you should give him a day or two to consider his response. While it may appear that he is attempting to avoid committing, he may simply require time to consider whether or not he is prepared for it.
You can say something like, “If you need time to think about it, that’s fine.” Allow some time before making a decision.”
If he requests it, give it to him. You can inquire, “How long do you think it will take you to figure this out?” Try not to bring it up again until that time has passed.
If he does not provide you with a time frame, you may ask again in a few days. Say something like, “Hey, I was wondering if you’d given any thought to our relationship.” “Have you made up your mind about where we stand?”
Do not text, call, or message him about this issue incessantly. If he did not respond immediately, you could text him once after you asked the question and again in a day or two. Allow him some breathing room if he requires it to make a decision.
6. Handle rejection with grace. If he says he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, try to keep a positive attitude. Try to smile and tell him you understand. He may be content to continue a casual relationship, or he may wish to call it quits. Before you proceed, consider your own emotions.
Respect his decision if he wishes to end things. Thank him for the time you spent together, but let him know you understand. You could say, “I’m sorry to hear that, but I had a good time with you.” Best wishes for the future.”
If he wants to keep a casual relationship going but you want to end it, you could say, “I think it would be best if we stopped seeing each other then.” If he asks why, simply say, “It appears that we have different goals.”
He may express a desire to remain friends with you. If you don’t want to be friends, don’t agree. Be honest if you believe this will be difficult. “I’m not sure that will work for me,” you say. You’re a wonderful man, but I think I’ll need some space.”
Some men may “ghost” you or cease contact with you. It is natural to be upset about this, but it does not necessarily imply that he dislikes you. He might just be uncomfortable with the situation.
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