Infidelity is difficult to deal with. If you discovered your girlfriend was cheating on you, you’re probably finding it difficult to trust her again and move on. To cope, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving, communicate openly with your girlfriend about future expectations, and seek emotional support from both friends and professional therapists.
Evaluating the Situation
1. Pose some questions to yourself. After being cheated on, the first step is to evaluate the relationship and decide whether or not it is worthwhile for you to stay. To make this decision, you must first ask yourself a series of questions. Be as honest with yourself as possible.
Has your girlfriend ever cheated on you? Cheating is a compulsive behaviour that some people engage in on a regular basis. If the problem is less rooted in this specific relationship and more rooted in a non-personal problem your girlfriend has with fidelity, the cheating may be easier to accept and overcome.
What was the reason for your girlfriend’s infidelity? While some may argue that cheating is cheating, end of storey, the truth is that the reasons for infidelity matter a great deal. A one-night, purely physical blunder may be far easier to forgive than a long-term affair in which your girlfriend developed an emotional attachment to someone else. Put yourself in your girlfriend’s shoes and consider how you would have felt if you were in her situation.
What was the state of your relationship at the time of the cheating? Cheating may be easier to understand if the relationship was going through a rough patch and you knew your girlfriend was unhappy. Were you and your partner taking each other for granted? Did she have any emotional needs that needed to be met outside of the relationship? If this is the case, can these issues be resolved, or should you both cut ties and move on?
2. Find out more about sexual compulsivity. Understanding and forgiving your girlfriend will be easier if you educate yourself on the factors that encourage cheating. Learn about sexual compulsion and its causes if your girlfriend has cheated on other partners.
Compulsive sexual behaviour refers to a wide range of sexual activity that deviates from societal norms, including some forms of infidelity. Infidelity is usually considered a compulsive sexual behaviour only when it is a pattern of behaviour that a person engages in without thinking and at great personal risk.
If your girlfriend has previously cheated on you, she may be doing so compulsively now. After you’ve calmed down, ask your girlfriend if she feels she has any control over her sexual impulses and if she enjoys her sexual experiences. If the answer is no, she may have a mental illness that necessitates psychiatric treatment.
Keep in mind that not all cheating is compulsive. It is critical not to automatically label infidelity as a mental disorder. If your girlfriend cheated because of a problem in your relationship, or if she is polyamorous and does not want to be in a monogamous relationship, accusing her of having a disorder may appear insensitive. She may believe you are being judgmental and ignoring other, more important issues that led to her cheating.
3. Make an effort to connect with others. It can be difficult to process the emotional consequences of cheating on your own. Reach out to friends and family members to help you process and understand your emotions.
Talk to trusted friends and family members who you know will not pass judgement. Inform them of what happened and request emotional support. People may offer advice, but politely decline, stating that you are simply attempting to understand your own emotions and do not require instructions on how to proceed.
Do not be vengeful. It is acceptable to reach out to others, but do not discuss your relationship problems with your girlfriend’s mother, best friend, or coworker. Choose people with whom you had a previous relationship before you met your girlfriend.
4. Consider a relationship that is open. Polyamory exists in some people. This means they have difficulty staying with a single partner and may prefer someone who is open to seeking sex and romance outside of a single relationship. If your girlfriend falls into this category, think about whether you’d be able to handle an open relationship.
Polyamorous and open relationships can take many different forms. Some people seek sexual relationships outside of their boyfriend or girlfriend, whereas others may wish to have multiple sexual and romantic partners at the same time. Before pursuing an open relationship, decide what type of open relationship, if any, you are comfortable with.
Communication is essential for a healthy open relationship. The poly community places a high value on discussing boundaries, respect, and expectations. If you want to try to open things up, make sure you and your girlfriend have several long discussions about what an open relationship means to the two of you.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with preferring a closed relationship. When it comes to monogamy, there are no wrong feelings. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of being in an open relationship, pursuing one can be detrimental to your health. If you and your girlfriend have opposing views on monogamy, it could be a sign that you won’t be compatible in the long run.
Interacting with Your Girlfriend
1. Allow each other space. If you’ve just discovered that your girlfriend is cheating on you, you’re probably in a state of shock. Allow each other some space in the aftermath of the revelation so that you can both think.
Your instinct may be to keep your girlfriend close by in case she cheats again. However, working through your feelings about a relationship is difficult when you see your girlfriend every day.
Use this time to think about what you want. In a romantic relationship, what are you absolutely unwilling to give up? Where are you willing to make a change? Determine your own desires and needs so that you can address them the next time you see your girlfriend.
2. Have an open and honest discussion. You should talk to your girlfriend about what happened. Whether you decide to work things out or not, an open and honest discussion is necessary for resolution.
Even if it’s difficult, pay attention when your girlfriend speaks. Show her you’re paying attention by using both verbal and nonverbal cues. Maintain eye contact, lean forward, nod, and occasionally make a comment during pauses. Avoid noise barriers, such as conversing in a loud coffee shop. This can make it difficult to communicate effectively.
Inquiring meaningfully. What causes disagreements between you and your girlfriend? What is the source of disappointment and pain? What kinds of things brought you joy and made you feel connected? How would you like your communication with your girlfriend to be different?
Be considerate. This will be a difficult conversation for both of you, and you must conduct it civilly and productively. Speak in a polite manner. To avoid sounding accusatory, begin sentences with “I” rather than “you.” Take turns speaking, and try not to linger on a single topic for too long. If you’ve been talking about the same topic for more than 15 minutes, it’s time to move on and come back to it later.
3. If necessary, be prepared to change yourself. Depending on why your girlfriend cheated, there may be issues in your relationship that need to be addressed. While this does not imply that infidelity was your fault, it does imply that if you want to save things, you may need to make changes on your end.
You must comprehend why your girlfriend cheated. Even if it is difficult to admit, there may have been something wrong with the relationship itself. You and your girlfriend must establish shared goals for your relationship, which may necessitate constant changes in your routine.
It takes time for things to change. You must understand that, even if you are willing to make certain changes, things will feel different at first, and that healing a damaged relationship takes time and commitment.
4. Make a decision about the future of the relationship. Finally, you must decide whether you can forgive the cheating and move on.
Needs and desires can sometimes be mutually exclusive, and cheating is often motivated by this fact. If you and your girlfriend have opposing sexual desires or appetites, the two of you may simply not be compatible. If you are a firm believer in monogamy and your girlfriend prefers an open relationship, it is probably time to part ways.
Another factor that contributes to the end of relationships is boredom. Learning new things about your partner is essential for a long-lasting relationship, but if you’ve both stopped growing during the course of your romance, it’s a sign that things aren’t working anymore. A lack of continued interest and personal growth are both indicators that a relationship has no future.
If, on the other hand, you and your girlfriend can find a place where you both feel happy and comfortable without jeopardising anyone’s vital needs, you may be able to keep the relationship going. However, proceed with caution, knowing that tension and a lack of trust will be major issues following infidelity. It will take a long time for things to return to normal.
1. Get your sexually transmitted disease (STD) tested. After your girlfriend cheats, it is critical that both you and she be tested for sexually transmitted infections.
People who commit infidelity are frequently careless about having safe sex. To get a full STD screening, you should visit your doctor’s office or a testing clinic.
Request that your girlfriend be tested as well. Before you resume sexual activity, make sure you both have a clean bill of health, especially if you aren’t using condoms or other forms of barrier protection.
2. Consult a therapist. If you want your relationship to survive infidelity, go to a therapist together.
A therapist can assist a couple in resolving difficult issues together. Having difficult conversations in the presence of a trained therapist can help you and your partner feel as if your needs are being met in a calm, respectful manner. You can also go over any questions you had about the cheating that you were too shy to ask your girlfriend one on one.
If your girlfriend is hesitant to see a therapist, you should go to one yourself. Even if she is not present, you can work through some issues on your own.
3. Create a new relationship. The relationship will never be the same after cheating. You and your girlfriend must work together to establish a new relationship.
For a while, infidelity will underpin every argument, and you must be able to work consciously to overcome any bitterness you may feel. An affair obsession is harmful to a healthy relationship. A therapist or counsellor can assist you in breaking free from the cycle of obsessing over your girlfriend’s infidelity. Formalized paraphrase
Try to see things in a positive light. While the initial innocence and trust are no longer present, you and your girlfriend have survived a major setback and are still functioning as a couple. This demonstrates the strength of your relationship, and you now have the opportunity to build a new, healthier relationship.
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