While many people fantasise about finding a single soul mate, it is possible to love two people at the same time. This can be perplexing, particularly if you are currently in a relationship. If you discover that you are in love with two people, you should evaluate your feelings. Consider your feelings for each person, as well as your personal feelings about monogamy. Figure out how to deal with feelings that border on emotional infidelity if you’re in a relationship. Look into how to proceed after you’ve determined your needs and desires. If you’re currently in a relationship, you should establish firm boundaries for the future.
Evaluating Your Feelings
1. Examine any differences in how you love each person. If you fall in love with two people, they may be meeting different emotional needs for you. Identifying the various reasons you love each person can assist you in determining how to proceed.
What do you get from each individual? Your current boyfriend or girlfriend may provide stability for you, but your love for him or her may feel more like friendship love. You may have feelings for someone else that aren’t present in your current relationship.
There are ways to navigate this if you’re experiencing two types of love. You may be more passionate about someone at the start of a relationship. If you have a crush on someone new, you can limit your contact with them to conversation, for example. While remaining physically faithful to your current partner, you can learn new things about them and allow yourself to experience the emotional infatuation of a romance.
However, exercise caution. You should feel at ease in informing both parties of what is going on. You could be having an emotional affair if you’re hiding something from your partner.
2. Consider your wants and needs. Our society places a high value on monogamy, both emotionally and physically. However, you may desire and require different things from a relationship. Only you have the ability to define what you want and require from romantic relationships. Before you can proceed, you must first determine what that is.
Do you believe you must be emotionally invested in only one person at a time? Some people prefer to concentrate on only one person at a time. Many people discover that their capacity for love, romantic or otherwise, is limitless.
Consider how you feel when you love two people. Is it tiring you out or energising you? Is it something you feel guilty about, or are you at ease with the fact that you love two people?
Determine what you require. Do you need a relationship with just one person, or are you willing to love two people at the same time?
3. Consider your point of view on emotional monogamy. For some people, love must be monogamous in order to function. You may need to be emotionally as well as physically loyal to one person. Others do not require emotional monogamy. You can be physically faithful to one person while harbouring romantic feelings for others. Consider your feelings on the subject and whether you’re comfortable being in love with two people.
Some people believe that the ability to love one person at a time is essential for a happy relationship. Some people believe that you cannot truly fall in love with two people because love necessitates an intimate connection with only one person. This sentiment is not shared by everyone. If you are in love with two people, you may be able to have a deep and meaningful intimate connection with both of them.
You may not believe that love has a monetary value. Monogamy may not be in your best interests if this is the case. Consider pursuing a relationship with both parties concurrently while keeping your expectations open. Casual dating allows you to explore your options. You may eventually decide on a single person.
Navigating Your Current Relationship
1. Think about whether or not you’re having an emotional affair. If you’re in a relationship, loving two people can be difficult. Being in love with another person can constitute an emotional affair if you and your partner have not agreed to an open relationship. This can make your current partner feel hurt and betrayed. Look for any indications that you’re having an emotional affair.  Formalized paraphrase
You may feel compelled to justify your actions as a result of latent guilt. For example, you may need to constantly reassure yourself that you and this person are “just friends,” or you may need to come up with justifications for spending time with this person.
You may also feel compelled to conceal your activities. If you’re keeping something from your partner, you’re probably doing it wrong. For example, you could delete a text message or lie to your partner about spending time with the other person.
Do you obsessively think about or fantasise about this person? Do you get excited when you know you’ll be seeing this person? If so, that’s a sure sign of emotional infidelity.
2. Check to see if your feelings for your partner are fading. If you’re in love with two different people, it could be a sign that your current relationship is in trouble. If you’ve always been able to love only one person at a time, you might be falling out of love with your current partner.
How satisfied are you with your current relationship? If you’ve been having problems for a while, your attachment to another person could be a red flag. Do you express your displeasure with your partner to this person? Do you reveal details about your relationship problems that you would keep private from others?
Do you find yourself making comparisons between this person and your partner? You may discover that this new person possesses qualities that you believe your partner lacks. Is this person dissimilar to your current partner? If this is the case, you may be clinging to someone completely different because your current relationship is failing.
3. Consult a therapist about your feelings. A therapist can help you if you’re struggling with feelings for someone else. Loving another person is a problem if your partner expects emotional fidelity. A therapist can help you sort through your feelings and move forward in your relationship.
If you aren’t currently seeing a therapist, your primary care physician can refer you to one. You can also find out which therapists are covered by your insurance network. If you are a student, your school may be able to provide you with free counselling.
If you believe your relationship is in serious trouble because of external feelings, consider going to a couples counsellor with your partner to discuss these issues.
4. If you’re comfortable doing so, talk to your partner. In some cases, you may want to discuss your feelings with your partner. If you believe your feelings are endangering your current relationship, you should sit down with your partner and discuss your options.
Choose the appropriate time to speak and avoid distractions during the conversation. Make sure all phones and computers are turned off. You should also try to talk at a time when neither you nor your partner has any other obligations.
Empathy is essential. It can be upsetting for your partner to learn you’re in love with someone else, and you don’t want to make his or her feelings worse. Allow your partner to experience what he or she is experiencing. For example, don’t say something dismissive like, “Lots of people have been where you’ve been and have gotten over it.”
Create a game plan as a group. You may decide whether it is best to end the relationship or to continue it. To save the situation, your partner may want you to limit your contact with the other party. Whatever you decide, make sure you establish clear boundaries that both you and your partner agree on and fully comprehend.
5. Handle an emotional affair. If you had an emotional affair, you must allow yourself time to heal. Even if you were not physically unfaithful, it can be difficult to accept the fact that you were unfaithful. You should give yourself time to let go of the affair and prioritise your current partner over the other person.
Make an effort to schedule times when you will think about the other person. It may sound strange, but daydreaming and obsessing over the object of your affection for a set amount of time each day can be beneficial. Attempting to avoid thinking about this person may backfire. Giving yourself a little leeway once a day may help you get over this person in the long run.
Allow yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship. A non-physical relationship can be just as intimate and close as a physical relationship. It will take some time for you to feel better about calling it quits on the affair. It’s natural to miss the person after they’ve died. Keep yourself busy and surrounded by friends.
Make an investment in your current relationship. If you’ve decided to stay with your current partner, you’ll need to spend time repairing any emotional damage caused by the affair. Spend a lot of time alone with your partner. Make an effort to become physically intimate by having sex, cuddling, and touching. Remind yourself why you fell in love with your partner in the first place, and why your relationship is worthwhile.
Choosing One Person
1. Make a decision. You may be dating two people at the same time if you are not currently involved with someone monogamously. You may have feelings for both people, but you prefer a monogamous relationship. Determine which party to vote for. You can use a variety of criteria to determine who is best for you.
Consider your objectives. Complementary romantic partners share common goals and values. Choose the person whose goals are most similar to yours. You and this person should share similar moral values and goals for the future.
Consider how much each person influences you. You are heavily influenced by another person in a romantic relationship. You’ll find yourself absorbing their preferences and interests. If you notice that one person has a greater influence on your personality, that person may be right for you.
You should also think about how you feel about someone. People are more enamoured with compatible romantic matches. You might find yourself putting one person on a higher pedestal than others. You could emphasise one person’s positive qualities a little more.
2. Inform the person you did not select that you wish to speak with them. If you make a decision, you must notify the other party. It’s best to have the conversation face-to-face if you’re at ease doing so, so let the person know you’d like to have a serious discussion.
You could, for example, send a text message that says something like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about something. I’d like to speak with you as soon as possible. Are you available for coffee tomorrow?”
3. Separate things in a clear manner. You want to wrap things up neatly. There should be no ambiguity in the breakup. Make it a point to state unequivocally that things are over. “I’ve decided to end the romantic portion of our relationship,” for example.
Avoid phrases such as “I believe we should…” and “I feel…” Such statements can make you appear unsure.
4. If you’re at ease, provide a specific reason. Following a breakup, many people seek closure. Give a reason if you feel comfortable doing so. However, it becomes more difficult when you are leaving for someone else. If you believe it is best to leave this information out, give other reasons that contributed to your decision to choose the other person without explicitly mentioning there is someone else.
If you want to mention the other person, say something like, “I’ve also been dating Ryan, as you’re aware. While I appreciate the time you and I have spent together, I believe Ryan is a more compatible long-term match for me. I’d like to begin seeing him exclusively.”
You may prefer to exclude the other person for a variety of reasons. Instead of explicitly stating that you chose someone else, discuss the factors that influenced your decision. As an example, “I just have the impression that we don’t share the same long-term goals and values. I believe we would be better off with someone who is on the same path as us.”
5. Proceed with the other person. Move on after you’ve broken up with the other person. Work on forming a new relationship with someone you care about. You may still have feelings for the other person, but limit your contact with them while you focus on your new romance. Those feelings will fade with time and distance.
Establishing a Polyamorous Relationship
1. Find out more about polyamory. Polyamorous people are willing to have multiple romantic relationships at the same time, as long as all parties agree to this type of romance. Many people discover they are polyamorous and seek out people who are open to open or semi-open relationships.
Polyamorous people do not believe that monogamy is required for a happy and fulfilling relationship. Polyamory is not an option. Much of it is determined by your level of emotional comfort and your feelings about love and romance. You may be polyamorous if you can be in love with two people at the same time.
There are numerous methods for determining whether or not you are polyamorous. Consider your past relationships. Is it possible for you to be fulfilled by a single person, or do you frequently crave love and sex outside of your relationship? If the latter is true, you may be polyamorous. You may be polyamorous if you feel capable of being in love with and committed to two people at the same time.
There is some stigma associated with polyamory, but efforts are being made to eliminate it. Remember that one size does not fit all when it comes to relationships. If you are polyamorous, you should feel free to express your feelings about it without feeling guilty.
2. Set firm boundaries. Boundaries are always important in a relationship, but they are especially important when you are in love with two people. Ascertain that all parties involved understand the rules of the situation and are comfortable with the game plan.
If you’re considering an open or semi-open relationship, make sure everyone understands what is and isn’t acceptable. Is it permissible to have physical contact with both parties? Can your partners have relationships outside of their romantic relationship with you? Should one party take precedence over the other? These are the questions you should ask yourself before entering into an open relationship.
If your current partner does not want a completely open relationship, he or she may request that you reduce your contact with the other person. If this is the case, make sure you understand what types of contact you are permitted to have and which types of contact violate your partner’s trust.
3. Any new rules in a relationship should be introduced gradually. You should ease into the new routine if you want to have an open relationship with someone. It can be difficult to transition from monogamy to polyamory. There’s no need to rush through the transition.
Consider whether you should pursue outside relationships right away if your partner is okay with it. There is no need to rush into polyamory. You should give yourself and your partner some time to adjust to the idea of an open relationship before you act on it.
Expect some tense moments. Polyamorous or open relationships can be loving and healthy. This is not to say that things will not be a little sloppy at first. Maintain open lines of communication. Be willing to compromise and work out any squabbles that may arise.
4. Maintain open lines of communication as you progress. Regardless of how you decide to proceed, you and your partner should maintain open lines of communication. Discuss your feelings with your partner on a regular basis. If you’re seeing two people at the same time, let both parties know if your feelings for them change in the future.
Talk to a couples counsellor if being in love with two people is causing a lot of tension in your relationship. A qualified counsellor can assist you and your partner in determining better communication methods.
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