If you are ready to become sexually active, sex can be a wonderful thing. If you are not prepared, the consequences can be severe, including emotional problems, sexually transmitted infections, and even unintended pregnancy. There are several ways to tell if you’re ready to start having sex. If you decide you’re ready for sex, you’ll need to talk about your concerns and expectations with your partner, as well as devise a plan for protecting yourself. Taking these precautions will help to ensure that your first experience is both safe and enjoyable
Evaluating the Situation
1. Consider how well you know and trust your partner. Sex is an intimate act, so make sure the person you’re having sex with is someone you trust and know well. If you don’t know and trust your partner, you might not want to have sex with him or her. You can ask yourself questions like, “Do you trust your partner?” You should be confident that your partner is a genuinely nice person who would never intentionally hurt or humiliate you. This can be difficult to assess, but here’s a metric to try: If you wouldn’t trust them with your private thoughts or secrets, you shouldn’t be sleeping with them.
Is your marriage mature enough to include sex? If the majority of your interactions with your partner are focused on surface-level issues, incorporating sex may be a bad idea. If, on the other hand, you and your partner feel like you and your partner help each other grow and improve as people, you might consider having sex.
Can you talk about sex with your partner? Consider whether you and your partner will be able to discuss topics such as contraception, STIs, basic anatomy, and other sex-related issues. If you can’t have this conversation with them before you have sex, reconsider whether it’s the right choice.
Would you be going against your partner’s religious beliefs? Consider not only your own beliefs and values, but also the beliefs of your partner. If they might be shunned or punished for having sex with you, it might be best to wait.
Will you be embarrassed about sleeping with this person later on? This may appear absurd, but consider it for a few years. Would you be embarrassed to describe this person to your future partner if you were no longer dating them? If the answer is “yes” or “maybe,” think about waiting for something better.
2. Determine whether it is legal for you to provide consent. The age of consent varies around the world and in some countries, so make sure you can legally have sex before making your decision. Keep in mind that even if you consent, if you are not of consenting age, your partner may face legal consequences. You could get in trouble if your partner is not of consenting age.
For example, it may be illegal in some states for a 16-year-old to have sex with an 18-year-old.
3. Examine your own beliefs. Before deciding whether or not you are ready to have sex, you should consider your personal values and beliefs. Because your values and beliefs help define you, you should consider how having sex will affect your values and beliefs. Try to identify your personal beliefs and values in order to determine how becoming sexually active might affect you.
For example, if you believe that sex should be saved for marriage, how would premarital sex affect you? Or, if you’ve always assumed that your first time would be with someone you adore, how would casual sex with someone you merely like affect you?
4. Determine your concerns about sex, STIs, and pregnancy. To reduce your chances of contracting a STI or becoming pregnant as a result of your sexual activity, consider what questions you have about safe sex. Identifying your concerns will assist you in determining what you need to learn more about.
Discuss your concerns with a trusted older friend or adult. If you are uncomfortable asking someone about sex, you can always search the internet for answers, as well as ask your doctor, school nurse, therapist, psychiatrist, or anyone else because they can give you more accurate answers than the internet. Keep in mind, however, that everyone’s perspective on sex is unique.
5. Take a look at what your partner has said to you. If you are considering sex because of something your partner has said to you, you should consider some of their statements. Some people may try to persuade you to have sex by saying deceptive or convincing things. People frequently use phrases like “If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me” to persuade their partners to have sex.
“Everyone else is having sex except us.”
“I’ll be gentle, and you’ll love it.”
“You’ll have to do it at some point. Why not right now?”
6. Consider what your peers have said. Peers can also have an impact on a person’s decision to engage in sexual activity. However, having sex because of what your peers have said is not a good idea. Consider what your peers have said that could be influencing your decision. Some of the most common things that peers say about sex are: “You’re a virgin?!”
“I’ve been sexually active since I was sixteen.”
“You’d have no idea because you’ve never had sex.”
“The best thing ever is sex. You are truly deprived.”
7. Recognize that everyone is unique. Making the decision to become sexually active is a big one, and you should think about your specific situation. There is no “correct” time to begin sexual activity. It is simply something you must consider and do your best to make the best decision for you.
Talking About Sex
1. Speak with your partner. Formalized paraphrase You may still be thinking about having sex after giving your feelings some thought and evaluating your influences. If you decide you are ready and do not feel pressured by your partner or friends, express your feelings to your partner.
Try something like, “I think I’m ready to start having sex.” What are your thoughts on that?”
Keep in mind that even if you believe you are prepared, your partner may not. Respect your partner’s decision if they say they are not ready.
2. Inquire about your partner’s sexual history. If you and your partner are ready to start having sex, you should learn about your partner’s sexual history. To protect yourself, find out how many sexual partners your partner has had and whether or not your partner has ever had a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
Try something like, “I understand if you are hesitant to discuss this with me, but I would like to learn more about your sexual history.” Have you ever had sex with anyone? If so, how many people are there? Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?”
3. Discuss how you and your partner would handle serious consequences. Before you begin a sexual relationship with someone, consider how you would handle serious consequences such as pregnancy or infection. Do you have access to health care providers or a clinic where you could be treated? Are both of you willing to accept the risk of pregnancy or infection as a part of a sexual relationship? Consider the potential consequences of sex and how you would handle them.
4. Tell us about your desires and expectations. After you’ve discussed the potential negative consequences of sex, talk about your own desires and expectations for sex. Discuss how you want the experience to be, both the first time and in the future. Inquire about your partner’s expectations as well.
Do you, for example, want to try certain positions or other things while having sex? Do you want to spend some time in bed after sex? Do you want to be monogamous with your partner?
5. Make a strategy to protect yourself. Before you have sex, you should consider how you will protect yourself from pregnancy and infection. Make an appointment with your doctor or go to a health clinic to learn more about your options. To encourage safe sex, many clinics even provide free condoms.
For example, you must decide whether to use condoms alone or in conjunction with birth control pills.
6. Consider speaking with someone who genuinely cares about you. Even after discussing your concerns with your partner, you may feel the need to consult with someone else who cares about you to ensure that you are making the right decision. If you feel at ease talking to your parents, that could be a good place to start. If not, consult your doctor, a school counsellor, a pastor, or an older sibling or friend.
Try saying something like, “I’m thinking about becoming sexually active.” Do you have any suggestions for me?”
According to research, those who are comfortable discussing sex with their friends are more likely to be able to discuss safe sex with their partner.
Enjoying Your First Time
1. To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, use a condom. Delaying or avoiding sexual activity is the best way to avoid sexually transmitted infections and/or pregnancy. If you don’t want to wait, be safe and use a condom whenever you have sex. It’s a common misconception that you can’t get pregnant or get a STI the first time you have sex. Because you can become pregnant or infected with a STI at any time you have sex, it is critical that you protect yourself. Condoms are very effective in preventing STIs when used consistently and correctly.
If your partner objects to the use of condoms, resist the pressure. Make it clear that you are not looking for a sexual relationship unless it is safe.
You should also consider getting vaccinated against HPV, the virus that causes genital warts and cervical cancer. Consult your doctor about HPV vaccines such as Gardasil and Cervarix.
2. Consider combining condoms and birth control pills. Birth control pills alone will not protect you from sexually transmitted infections, but using them in conjunction with a condom can reduce your risk of pregnancy even further.
Condoms are 82% effective at preventing pregnancy, while birth control pills are 91% effective at preventing pregnancy. As a result, using condoms and birth control pills together can further reduce your chances of becoming pregnant while also protecting you from STIs.
3. Take a deep breath. Because the first time can be very stressful, you may benefit from doing some stress-reduction exercises before you begin. To relax yourself before having sex, try taking long, deep breaths. Remember that everyone is nervous the first time, so you are not alone in feeling this way.
4. Allow yourself plenty of time. The foreplay and romance are part of what makes sex enjoyable. Take your time and appreciate the moment. Don’t feel compelled to race to the finish line. Simply take your time and enjoy the ride. Set a romantic tone by playing soft music, dimming the lights, and talking for a few minutes before you begin.
5. Inform your partner if you are uneasy. You should tell your partner if you are not enjoying the experience at any point. Similarly, if your partner asks you to stop at any time, do so. It is normal for sex to be painful the first time. However, if you are simply not having fun, it is critical to inform your partner so that you can adjust your position or decide to try again another time.
6. Accept that your first time will most likely be awkward. Although movies and television portray sex as a glamorous, romantic experience, it can actually be quite awkward. Because it is such a new experience for you, the first time may be especially awkward. Just remember that this awkwardness is normal and that you should not be embarrassed or ashamed of it.
7. Understand that you may feel a range of emotions after your first time. After the sex is over and you have had time to reflect and process the experience, you may begin to feel emotions that are unfamiliar to you. It is normal to feel strange following your first sexual encounter with someone. If you are having difficulty coping with these emotions, talk to someone you trust, such as a parent, counsellor, or close friend.
8. Consider alternative ways to have a physical relationship with your partner. Between holding hands and having sex, there are several steps. If you feel like your relationship with your partner is moving too quickly, try slowing it down with non-sexual intimate acts first, such as kissing, petting around, and hugging intimately. You can also talk about sex, marriage, or children, which may pique the interest of some people. Be affectionate in a way that makes both of you feel at ease with each other.
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