You’ve probably heard the adage that it’s better to say nothing than nothing at all. This could be the case if you’ve had a disagreement with your parents. To avoid saying something hurtful, avoid your parents at home, stay out of the house whenever possible, and accept your feelings. If you live alone, you can take extra precautions to avoid talking to them.
Coming to Terms with Your Feelings
1. Examine your situation. Determine whether or not it is worthwhile to avoid talking to your parents. It’s fine to keep your distance after an argument to calm down. On the other hand, if you’re in trouble, your parents might be able to assist you.
It’s also a good idea to ask yourself why you’re avoiding your parents and what you hope to achieve by doing so. Understanding your motivation can help you decide how to proceed.
2. Keep a journal. This allows you to see how you’re feeling in writing. Begin by free writing. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Don’t be concerned about complete sentences or grammatical accuracy. Put dates on your entries so you can keep a running record of your emotions. To keep your parents from snooping, keep a paper diary with a lock or an encrypted file.
3. If at all possible, reconcile with your parents. Allow them and yourself a few days to recover. Then, if they don’t, make the first move toward peace talks. If you are at fault, please accept my sincere apologies. If you are unable to bury the hatchet yourself, seek the assistance of a neutral third party to act as a mediator.
4. Seek the assistance of a therapist. Avoiding your parents is a sign that something is wrong with your relationship. Speak with a school counsellor or a therapist for guidance and recommendations on how to proceed. If your parents are willing to participate, you could also consider family therapy.
If you live with your parents and your living situation is abusive or intolerable for other reasons, you should consider reaching out to family or a school counsellor for assistance in finding alternative living arrangements.
Avoiding Your Parents at Home
1. Remove yourself from the conversation. Don’t be obnoxious or disrespectful. Give brief, noncommittal responses to any questions they may pose. If they ask if you want to go out to dinner or if you want to go somewhere with them, politely decline.
If they’re asking questions that could lead to reconciliation, you can break or bend this rule. Listen first, then respond.
2. You should lock yourself in your room. Turn the latch or insert the hook through the eye. Place a note on your door explaining that you’ve locked the door to give yourself some space and privacy. If you lock your door without warning, your parents may become concerned and break the door down.
If you don’t have a lock on your door, post a sign asking people to leave or at least knock first.
3. Bring your creature comforts with you to your room. Your books, phone, and video game console are all included. Locate a cool, dry location to store a few non-perishable snacks and drinks. To avoid attracting your parents’ attention, keep your phone on vibrate or silent.
4. Inform your friends not to call your landline phone number. If your parents answer the phone, you’ll have to answer it facing them. If you have a cell phone, have your friends call it. Otherwise, use email, instant messaging, and chat rooms.
5. If you have a roommate, be considerate of him or her. Respect your sibling’s space if you share a room with them. Don’t take up all of the space. If they inquire about your relationship with your parents, keep your response neutral. Don’t try to persuade your sibling to take a side.
Staying Out of the House
1. Increase the amount of time you spend with your friends. Do something enjoyable to divert your attention away from your parents. If you need to cry or vent, make sure you’re with someone who understands. Even if you just sit around doing nothing, the presence of a friend can do wonders for your mood.
2. Find alternative ways to get to school. It will be awkward to spend time in the same car as your parents. If you live near your school, you can walk or ride your bike there. If possible, take the school bus or public transportation. If everything else fails, try to find a ride with your friends.
If you must ride with your parents, wear your headphones the entire time.
3. Get a part-time job after school. You will gain space and independence from your parents during your time away from home. Additionally, earning your own money will allow you to avoid relying on your parents for financial assistance. Just make sure your job does not interfere with your schoolwork, homework, or sleep.
4. Take part in extracurricular activities. Participate in a sport that interests you. Participate in school clubs. Participate in community service. You’ll not only gain independence from your parents, but you’ll also gain confidence and bonus points for college applications.
5. In the library, you can study. The presence of your parents can increase stress and interfere with your study time. On the other hand, most libraries have a quiet policy that allows you to work without interruptions. Study by yourself or with a study group. You can also access online databases that you might not have access to at home.
Avoiding Your Parents after You’ve Moved Out
1. Don’t pick up the phone when they call. When you see their number on the caller ID, press the reject button. To silence the ringer on a flip phone, press one of the side buttons. In either case, the call will be routed to voicemail. It is entirely up to you whether you listen to the message or delete it immediately.
2. Avoid using electronic means of communication. Don’t respond to their emails. If you’re connected on social media, unfollow them and make your timeline private. If you don’t want to completely cut ties, simply muffle their posts. They won’t know, and if you make up, you can always unmute them.
3. Maintain a physical distance. Don’t go to them and tell them not to come back. If you don’t want to make up excuses, keep yourself busy. Concentrate on your professional or academic objectives. After work, go out with your friends. If you can afford it, take a vacation.
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