It can be difficult to fall in love with someone. It takes persistence and perseverance to learn how to not fall in love with someone, especially when you feel unable to control your emotions. Perhaps you are attempting to avoid falling in love with someone you like, or you are attempting to avoid love in general. You can try avoiding the person you’re attracted to and emotionally isolating yourself from the person so your feelings don’t get the best of you. You can also isolate yourself from the person you’re falling for by focusing on your own needs and interests.
Avoiding the Person You Are Attracted To
1. Maintain a safe distance from the individual. Maintaining a safe distance from the person is one way to avoid allowing your emotions to get the best of you. This may imply avoiding the individual in social situations, such as gatherings with friends or coworkers. Alternatively, you may avoid the person when you are in the same space as them, such as at school or work. Maintain a safe distance from the person so that you are not tempted to interact with them, as this could lead to the development of stronger feelings for them.
You might, for example, try to avoid attending the same meetings or gatherings as the person, especially if you know they will be there. You may decide to simply avoid seeing the person in order to avoid having to be in close proximity to them.
You should also avoid adding the person to social media so that you are not tempted to look at their profile or activity. You won’t be sucked into looking at the person’s activity on sites like Facebook, Instagram, or Tumblr this way.
2. When you’re around the person, set clear boundaries for yourself. If you do have to be around the person, you should set clear boundaries so that your emotions do not take over. When someone is close to you, you may avoid touching, hugging, or sitting close to them. You may stand a good distance away from them, with closed body language, so that you do not appear friendly or welcoming to the individual. This may indicate to them that you are not romantically interested in them.
For example, you could maintain closed body language around the person by crossing your arms over your chest and avoiding eye contact when speaking to them.
3. Accept no romantic gestures or gifts from the individual. The person may end up giving you gifts as a way of expressing their love for you, or they may make kind gestures towards you. Accepting or encouraging this behaviour is not acceptable. Accepting gifts or kind gestures from the person may encourage them to pursue you, which you may not want if you’re attempting to avoid them.
For example, you could politely say, “No, thank you,” and decline a gift they offer you. If they try to do something nice for you, you can say, “No, I can do it myself” or “No, I’ll take care of it.”
Closing Yourself Off Emotionally From the Person
1. Make a list of the person’s flaws. Another way to avoid falling for someone is to isolate yourself emotionally from them. Try to keep your emotions under control so you don’t feel overwhelmed or out of control around the person. Make a list of the individual’s flaws. Read them over and allow yourself to be discouraged or disengaged from the person as a result of these negative characteristics. This may assist you in avoiding falling in love with the individual.
Be truthful and consider characteristics of the person that would be bothersome or an issue if you were in a relationship with them. For example, you could write about the person as “too career-focused, quiet and introverted, difficult to talk to in a large group.”
2. Determine why you and the individual are incompatible. You should also consider why you and the person are not compatible. You could make a list of their flaws and then explain why these flaws indicate that you and the person are not meant to be together. You should also write down specific instances when you and the person did not seem to mesh or jive well. Focusing on your incompatibility may help you emotionally distance yourself from the person and see them as nothing more than a friend.
For example, you could write: “we are incompatible because they are career oriented and I prefer to travel” or “we would not work out because they are set on settling in one place and I intend to move around frequently.”
3. Concentrate on the pleasant aspects of your relationship. If you already have a friendly relationship with the person, you can try prioritising your friendship with them over any romantic relationship. Perhaps you and the person are good friends. Remind yourself that romantically pursuing the person may result in hurt feelings and the end of your friendship. You may then reason that it is better to maintain a friendship with the person rather than a romantic relationship.
For example, you could sit down and write down all of the good times you’ve shared with the person as a friend. Then you can decide whether it’s worth putting your meaningful, fulfilling relationship with the person at risk to pursue a romance.
Focusing On Your Own Needs and Interests
1. Distract yourself by engaging in a hobby or activity. You can avoid falling in love by devoting your time to your own needs and interests rather than theirs or your thoughts of them. Distract yourself from your romantic desires by devoting your time and energy to a hobby you enjoy. Alternatively, engage in an activity that will consume you and leave you with little time to focus on your romantic feelings for someone.
For example, perhaps you devote your time and effort to a hobby such as painting, writing, playing music, or singing. You could also fill your time by participating in sports or joining a school team.
2. Trust your friends and family. Though you may be tempted to keep your romantic feelings to yourself, you should try talking about them with those closest to you. Tell your close friends about your efforts to avoid falling in love with someone. Discuss your conflicted feelings with a close family member. Talking to someone who will listen to you about your feelings can often help you feel less alone and confused.
A friend or family member may also be able to provide you with some perspective on your situation. They may also give you advice or make suggestions on how to avoid falling in love with the person.
For example, you could tell a friend, “I have feelings for someone, but I don’t want to fall in love with them.” “What should I do?” Or you could tell a family member, “I think I’m falling in love with someone, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.” Do you have any suggestions for what I should do?”
3. Consider discussing your feelings with the person. If your romantic feelings for the person are undeniably strong, you should consider telling them how you feel. Even if the conversation is awkward, being honest about your feelings and telling the person can help you feel better. It can also raise the possibility that the person feels the same way about you.
If you decide to talk to the person about your feelings, ask them if you can talk just the two of you in person and in private. You could then tell them, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” I’ve tried to deny these feelings, but I think it’s best if I’m open with you about how I’m feeling.”
Creative Commons License