If you’re in a committed, serious relationship with your girlfriend and want to have sex with her, knowing how to approach her about it can be difficult and awkward. Whether it’s your first time having an intimate relationship or not, you’ll want to make sure you’re both comfortable and in the mood. You’ll be able to talk about sex with your girlfriend more effectively if you can be honest, avoid pressuring her, discuss safety, and understand her preferences. If you can relax with her, make her feel safe, create a romantic atmosphere, and stay connected in the relationship, intimate moments will be even more enjoyable.
Part 1: Discussing Intimacy
1. Be certain of your choice. It can be difficult and embarrassing to discuss sex, but it is essential to discuss it and be certain about it before jumping into bed. Sex is an important step in any relationship that will bring the two of you closer together. Before approaching your girlfriend, consider whether you’re prepared.
Be confident in your decision if this is your first time having sex. If there’s a chance you’ll get in trouble with your parents, if it’s against your religion, or if you feel pressured in any way by others, you should wait or reconsider.
Even if this is not your first time having sex, but it is your first time with this girlfriend, you should be confident in your choice. Sex can make a relationship more serious, so make sure you’re ready for it.
2. Tell her how you really feel. Unless you tell her, your girlfriend will have no idea how you feel about sex and about her. Try to be open with your girlfriend and encourage her to be open with you. Explain why you want to have sex with her, as well as any concerns or fears you have about how sex will affect your relationship.
Begin by expressing your love for her. You could say, “I’ve been enjoying our time together in this relationship, but I’d like to discuss the possibility of becoming more intimate with you. I adore you and feel so close to you; I believe we are ready for sex. What are your thoughts?”
Recognize that this may alter your feelings for each other. As an example, you could say, “I understand that sex is an important step that can complicate things. I want you to be at ease.”
Demonstrate to her that it’s not all about the sex. Restate your desire for her or what you admire about her. Instead of saying, “Do you want to have sex with me tonight?” you could say, “You’re gorgeous.” I adore you and long to be with you.”
3. Avoid putting pressure on her. Your girlfriend might not have an immediate response for you. Allow her some thought time. Tell her you’d like to talk about it again when she’s ready, and that you’ll be there for her.
Remember that your girlfriend has the right to say “no” to you, even if you’ve been in a committed relationship for a long time or she’s had sex with other people in the past. You can’t force her to have sex just because you’ve been together for a long time.
You can reassure her so she doesn’t feel rushed. You might say, “I’m nervous as well, and I don’t want to rush you. It’s okay if you’re not prepared.”
If she isn’t ready or wants to wait, revisit the conversation, but don’t put pressure on her to talk about sex every day.
4. Obtain her permission. It’s critical that you make it clear that she wants to be intimate with you and have sex with you. Consent implies that she agrees and is eager to have sex with you. Keep in mind that if she remains silent or does not respond, this does not constitute consent.
It is not consent if you have to beg, force, or manipulate her into having sex with you.
At any time during your relationship, either of you can withdraw your consent to intimacy and sex.
The word “no” means “no.”
5. Pose questions to one another. Your girlfriend may agree or want to have sex with you, but she is likely to have some reservations. Respond to her questions in an open and honest manner. You, too, may have important questions that need to be answered. Discuss your previous relationships.
Is there a history of STDs or STIs?
What your sexual preferences are, such as how you prefer to be touched or the positions you prefer
6. Let’s talk about safe sex. Before you have sex, you and your girlfriend will feel much more at ease if you talk about safe sex and birth control. Be open and honest with each other about your preferences and expectations for safe sex.
Be willing to purchase or use your own birth control methods, such as condoms.
Inquire about the birth control methods she is using or prefers. You can inquire, “Are you using birth control right now? Do you enjoy it, or would you rather do something else?”
7. Recognize her preferences. Healthy sex communication entails more than just being able to be vulnerable and express your desires. It is also important to be able to ask her what she wants and likes. Try to figure out what she wants. You could inquire, “What are your desires or fantasies?”
What is your preferred method of being touched?
Is there anything you don’t want me to touch?
8. Choose the best time. Because sex is an emotional subject, choose a good time to talk to your girlfriend. You may be afraid to approach her for fear of hurting her feelings, overwhelming her, scaring her away, or making yourself vulnerable. Make time to speak with her when:
You can spend time alone together.
You haven’t just fought.
You will not be disturbed by anything else.
You’re at ease, perhaps sharing a meal or a glass of wine.
You’re not in the heat of the moment, and you’re not about to get intimate.
Part 2: Creating an Intimate Setting
1. Let’s unwind together. Spend time together doing something relaxing or enjoyable before initiating sexual intimacy. This will create a sense of connection and calm for you and your girlfriend. You can unwind together in a variety of ways, including:
Have a quiet dinner with your partner.
Take a walk.
Take in the sunset.
Take a bath or shower together.
2. Make contact with her. If you gradually increase the amount of time you’re touching her, her sexual arousal may rise as well. Touching her is more subtle and could lead to more fun, spontaneous sex.
Kiss her on the lips.
Massage her shoulders gently.
Take her hand in yours.
Make a gentle motion with her arm.
Make her laugh.
Check in with her every time you touch her to avoid making her feel obligated to have sex. “Does this feel good to you?” or “How are you feeling?” are appropriate questions.
3. Set the tone. Create a sensual setting to enhance the mood for intimacy and sex. You want to make your girlfriend feel at ease, attracted, and desired. You’ll also want to make sure you’re in a secure location where you won’t be disturbed. You have the option of dimming the lights.
Extinguish candles or start a fire.
Place soft, clean sheets on the bed.
Turn on some soft jazz or other instrumental music.
Consume sweet fruits or chocolate.
4. Make an effort to be romantic. Maintain a consistent level of romance in your relationship. Women often need to feel emotionally connected to their partners before engaging in sex, and romance is a great way to do so. Romance demonstrates that you care about her and makes her feel more secure in the relationship. You can do the following romantic things:
Purchase flowers for her.
Send her a love note.
Send her a love poem.
Spend time talking to her and cuddling in bed with her.
5. Keep an open mind. It can be difficult to create an intimate moment with your girlfriend if your mind is elsewhere, such as on work or future plans, or even how you perform or look. If you and your girlfriend can try to be fully present in your intimate moments, you will both enjoy them more. Instead of focusing on your nerves about having sex with your girlfriend or on how you look, try to simply be with her in the moment. You can do the following:
Some examples of being mindful or in the moment include focusing on your and her breathing, noticing the sensation of her skin on yours, and paying attention to any sounds she makes.
Being present in the moment can improve sexual performance because it allows you to pick up on cues from your partner. It can also reduce performance anxiety because you aren’t focusing on what might happen or the future, but rather on what you are feeling, doing, and experiencing right now.
Being responsible with sex, such as using contraception and only having sex when both of you are ready, can help alleviate concerns about STDs, pregnancy, or rushing things.
6. Try not to be hurried. Don’t rush your intimate time together. Take your time because this should be a fun time for you and your girlfriend. Your girlfriend may require some alone time and foreplay. Throughout the process, be playful, touch her, and ask her what she likes.
Part 3: Maintaining Intimacy
1. Make your relationship a priority. If you make time for each other, your sex life and physical intimacy will flourish. Prioritize your relationship and concentrate on increasing emotional intimacy and connection with your girlfriend. You’ll have a happier sex life if you make time for her outside of the bedroom. Try to: Eat together at least once a week.
Take walks and talk with each other.
Together, you should work out.
Before going to bed, turn off the television and cuddle.
2. Set a sexy mood for yourself. If you’re in a serious relationship with your girlfriend, your sex life may become more mundane and you may not be in the mood as frequently. To avoid this, intentionally try to put yourself in the mood for sex and intimacy. Learn what makes you tick and concentrate on that, then initiate with your girlfriend later. You could try reading something erotic or romantic to get yourself in the mood.
Play a seductive song.
Put on lingerie.
Consider the most recent time you had sex with your girlfriend.
3. Experiment with new things. Be adventurous and try new things with your girlfriend to spice up your intimate moments. To keep intimacy alive and fun, try not to stick to the same routine. Always be cautious and obtain your girlfriend’s interest and permission before attempting anything new. You might think about: Trying a different location or room, other than your bedroom.
Attempting to be intimate at an unusual time of day.
Trying out new roles.
Purchasing new lingerie.
Making use of sex toys.
4. Make an effort to flirt. It may be difficult to maintain your chemistry with your girlfriend after a while. Try flirting with your girlfriend in the same way you did when you first started dating. During the day, you could send her a sexy text message or dress up a little to catch her attention.
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