It’s difficult to talk to a girl one-on-one, but it’s even more difficult when you have an audience. You can improve your confidence in approaching a girl in a group and finding topics to discuss.
Part 1: How to Approach a Girl in a Group
1. Assess the group dynamic. Not every group will be suitable for approaching. Is this a group of girls commiserating over the breakup of one of their number? Is it work-related, or is a family member ill? Listen for cues without appearing obvious.
It’s best not to talk to her about anything serious. If it’s lighthearted, you’re probably safe to go.
2. Participate in the group. The first step in speaking to any group is to blend in without being too obvious. So you don’t just butt into a conversation, look for a natural opening in a group or wait until you overhear something good. Make yourself appear to be a member of the group without invading the group’s space.
It is acceptable to intervene as long as you do so politely. Inquire about the subject with her. Assume “I’m not sure what we’re talking about. Could you please give me the spoiler?”
Don’t just walk up to a group of strangers and start standing there and listening. That’s a huge creepy turn-off.
3. Participate. Pay attention to what the group is saying and start contributing to whatever they’re saying. Use the topics that the group is discussing to your advantage.
If necessary, please introduce yourself. If the group is discussing a recent film, join in on the discussion and share your thoughts.
Speak to the entire group of females. Don’t try to pick out the girl you want to talk to right away. Depending on the girl, she may be concerned about offending her friends or feel bad that they aren’t getting the same amount of attention as she is.
4. Begin your side discussion. After starting the conversation with something related to what the group is discussing, gradually transition into just talking to the girl you want to talk to. Make direct eye contact with her. Instead of addressing the group, address the things you say to her.
Begin making inconsequential asides that no one else can hear. Keeping her attention on what you’re saying will keep her away from the rest of the group and, eventually, on you.
5. Continue speaking. The group may eventually leave you two alone to talk, and it will be much easier to carry on a one-on-one conversation in private. Ask her a lot of questions and maintain eye contact to make her feel as if you’re speaking directly to her.
If they do not leave, make sure to include the other members of her group in the conversation so that they are not left out. However, make sure that you are still enjoying the conversation so that you can talk to the girl while having fun. When guys are nice to their friends, most girls think it’s nice.
6. If it doesn’t work, unplug. Sometimes the best strategy is to talk for a while and then move on. Maintain eye contact with the girl you were attempting to converse with. This can be a great way to see if she’s interested in talking with you further. What if she abandons the group and goes looking for you? That’s a good sign.
Wait until the end of the night if you never meet up again. Pull her aside quickly as her group is leaving and tell her what a great time you’ve had. Tell her you’d love to meet up with her for coffee or a drink someday.
Part 2: Choosing What to Say
1. You should ask more questions than you should speak. What are the members of this group interested in? What do they enjoy? What are they like? What would she be if this group could be a type of dessert? Simply find fun and light topics to discuss to see what she and the rest of the group are interested in. If you are unfamiliar with the group, here are some good group questions:
How did you all get to know each other?
How often do you all get together?
What are all of you drinking? Who has the most?
2. Pay attention and follow up. Listening is an essential skill, and the more you practise it, the better you will be at understanding different points of view and relating to others. Listen to what they’re saying and respond positively and kindly with something of your own. If the discussion is about a movie, find out what everyone thought of it. If you hear someone say, “”Oh really?” you say, “boring.” What are your favourite movies?” Maintain a positive and flowing conversation to demonstrate that you’re an interesting person who this girl should want to talk to.
The most important aspect of a conversation is the follow-up. Nobody knows how to converse with a stranger without first listening to what they say and then responding.
3. Continue to direct the group’s attention to the girl you want to talk to. If one of the group members is giving her opinion on a specific topic, turn to the girl you want to talk to and ask, “What do you think?” This is an excellent way to contribute to the break in the conversation while also including her in it. It also communicates to everyone that you are specifically interested in speaking with her.
4. Find something you have in common. If you know she goes to a particular club, likes a certain band, or is particularly interested in something, ask her about it. Inquire how long she’s been interested in that hobby, why she enjoys it, and let it lead to learning more about her and discovering what you have in common.
5. Tell her a little about yourself. Conversation is a two-way street, and if you only talk about her, she may perceive you as nosy. To make her feel more at ease, be open about your life experiences. After you’ve asked her about herself, think about something related to what she’s said and then respond.
At the same time, don’t solely focus on yourself. Self-absorbant is a major turn-off.
6. Maintain a positive attitude. Formalized paraphrase When speaking in front of a group, try to keep things light and positive. Encourage others’ points of view and laugh at their jokes. Don’t interrupt anyone or dissent from the group at first, until you’re comfortable with the dynamics.
Many “pick-up artist” schemes advocate using subtle insults to pique a girl’s interest. While the results have been mixed, it’s never a good idea to try it in a group of girls.
Small jokes can be effective. However, there is a distinction between saying something teasing and flirtatious, such as, “I can’t believe you didn’t like Iron Man. Have you lost your soul? “Prove to me you have a soul,” and telling a girl her views on birth control are “childish.””
7. Be true to yourself. Don’t try to disguise yourself as someone else to attract her attention or pretend to be interested in things you don’t care about. It’s fine if you don’t end up having much in common. Look around for other groups and conversations.
8. Don’t worry about lines. Begin by introducing yourself and shaking her hand before shaking everyone else’s. Inquire if you can sit with them. Communicate with everyone on an equal footing and show genuine interest in what they have to say. That’s how a group conversation should begin, not with, “Are those space pants?”
Don’t try to brag as a member of a group. Jokes and gimmicks are more likely to result in a drink in the face than a coffee invitation.
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