If you want to know if your man is the one, the best thing you can do is trust your instincts. However, sometimes that gut feeling isn’t enough, and you need to look for more indicators that tell you whether you should drive or walk down the aisle. At the end of the day, only you can make this decision.
Part 1: Observing Your Emotions
1. If you can’t accept his flaws, he’s not the one. Many people imagine “the one” as this perfect, god-like individual who will solve all of your problems and make every day of your life a fairy tale. The real way to tell if you’re with “the one” is to see if you’re with someone you like who has flaws you can live with. If you can deal with the loud belching, bad music taste, or messiness of the man you’re with instead of cringing every time he does something you consider imperfect, he’s the one.
This isn’t to say you can’t talk to him about changing some of his flaws, such as learning to clean up better. But if he isn’t the one, you probably can’t stand his flaws.
2. If you don’t get excited to see him, he’s not the one. Contrary to popular belief, if you’re with the one, you won’t be feeling butterflies all the time. If he’s not the one for you, you won’t feel anything when you get ready to meet him or come home to him. If he’s the one, you should be filled with excitement and anticipation when you’re about to see him or spend time with him.
If you don’t get excited when you see him, you may be viewing him as a friend, or you may have grown bored with him.
Ask yourself how excited you are to see him the next time you get ready to see him. Is your heart pounding a little? Have you been anticipating it all day? You don’t have to be overjoyed every time you get together, but it should be something you look forward to.
3. If you can’t see a future with him, he’s not the one. If he’s the one, you should already be planning to spend the rest of your life with him, whether that means getting married, having children, and all the traditional things, or just being life partners and exploring life together. If you can’t imagine him being by your side in a few years, or even thinking about what you’ll be doing next summer, you know he’s not the one.
Another sign that he isn’t the one is that he has never mentioned a future with you. If he becomes nervous or changes the subject whenever you bring up the future, it’s a sign that he’s not interested in you.
As crazy as it may sound, try to imagine your life in ten years. Is it difficult to imagine him by your side, or not by your side? If you can’t see it, he’s not the right one.
4. If you don’t feel at ease around him, he’s not the one. If he’s the one, you should be able to be yourself around him rather than having to dress up or play a certain role in his life. You should be able to dress like yourself, speak like yourself, and express your opinions without fear of upsetting or disappointing him. Though you may be nervous because you like him, you know he’s not the one if you’re constantly stressed out, anxious, or concerned about how he feels about you.
If you’re constantly concerned that something you say will irritate or irritate him, he’s not the one.
5. If you can’t be honest with him, you know he’s not the one. If he’s the one, you should feel at ease telling him the truth, whether it’s about where you’ve been or your concerns about the relationship. You shouldn’t worry that whatever you say will make him angry, jealous, moody, or just reserved. If he truly cares about you, you should be able to tell him anything without feeling afraid or anxious. If he makes you nervous when you want to tell him what’s really on your mind, he’s not the one.
If you feel the need to lie to protect him or keep him from becoming angry, he isn’t the one.
If you feel comfortable talking to him about your concerns and that he will listen and take you seriously, he could be the one.
6. Remember that in the end, only you can tell if he’s the one. You can consult your closest friends and family members and go through a million checklists to determine whether or not he’s the one, but in the end, you’re the only one who can figure this one out. It can be beneficial to seek advice from sites such as eHow To, but at the end of the day, you will be the only person who knows if the guy is not the one, regardless of what anyone else says.
Remember that what is ideal for your best friend or favourite aunt may not be ideal for you; others can assist you, but they cannot make the decision for you because you are unique individuals with unique needs.
However, the fact that you’re on this page suggests that he might not be the one. If you’re already having doubts about whether he’s the one, you might have a problem.
As corny as it sounds, you’ll know if he’s the one in your gut. It’s an intuitive feeling that can be difficult to explain at times. There’s a chance you already know he’s not right for you but are looking for confirmation.
Part 2: Observe How He Treats You
1. If he’s constantly flirting with other girls, you know he’s not the one. Everyone flirts a little bit here and there, and if you flirt in a harmless way every now and then, it’s not the end of the world. If, on the other hand, your man is constantly flirting with other girls, talking about other girls, and disrespecting you by checking out other girls, he’s just not the one. You can’t make excuses for him or convince yourself that he doesn’t mean anything by it; if he truly cared about you, he would never act this way.
It should go without saying that if he cheats on you, he isn’t the one. It’s one thing if he cheated once and deeply regretted it, and you’re working hard to forgive him, but it’s quite another if he’s a serial cheater. If he cheats on you on a regular basis, you should leave as soon as possible.
Even if he does not cheat on you and it is merely flirting, the fact that he would do it in front of you or your friends is a sign of extreme disrespect.
2. If he doesn’t want to be seen with you, you know he’s not the one. If he’s the one, he should be proud to show you off, to hold your hand or have his arm around you in public, and to spend time with you while also spending time with his friends or family. If he always makes up excuses to meet his friends or hang out in public, he isn’t looking for a serious relationship. If he wants to hang out in your bedroom but won’t accompany you to the movies, he’s not the one.
Don’t make excuses for him or assume he’s too busy when he refuses to go out with you. He’d make the effort if he truly cared.
If you’ve been dating for a long time and he’s never mentioned going out with his friends, he doesn’t take you seriously.
3. If he isn’t willing to change, he isn’t the one. Of course, this does not mean that you should force him to change who he is, but that if there is a specific behaviour you want him to change, such as flirting with other girls or not returning your calls, he should be willing to change it for you. If he is obstinate and refuses to change in ways that would make him a more caring, considerate boyfriend, he is not the one.
It is difficult for a man to change, but he should be open to discussing it. If he becomes enraged just by mentioning something you’d like him to change, he’s not the one.
4. If he does not respect your hobbies, goals, and dreams, he is not the one. If he’s the one, he should value your passion for running, your dedication to nursing school, and the time you spend writing songs. He doesn’t have to participate in all of these activities, but he should inquire about them and be impressed that you’re making an effort and caring so much. If he’s the one, he should be proud of the person you are and the person you want to be.
If he dismisses your interests and makes you feel as if they are unimportant, he is not the one.
If he writes down your goals and makes you feel like you won’t be able to achieve them, he’s not the one.
5. If he can’t be honest with you, he’s not the one. This is one of the most telling signs that he’s not the one. If he can’t go an hour without lying to you and you’re constantly catching him out, he’s not the one. If he lies about everything, from where he’s been to what he ate for lunch, it’s a sign that he’s hiding something from you and can’t be trusted. If he lies to you, he is not the one.
If you have evidence that he has been lying and he denies it when you confront him about it, that is also a red flag.
If he respects you, he should be honest with you rather than making you look like a fool. Consider this. Would he feel the need to be dishonest if he was truly the one?
6. Know he’s not the one if he’s not there for you when things get tough. If he’s the one, he’ll be there for you when things get tough just as much as when you’re having the time of your life. If he’s there for the parties and fun road trips but disappears the moment your grandmother gets sick, there’s no excuse—just he’s not the one. True love entails being with someone through good and bad times, and if he flees the scene every time you’re in trouble, he’s not the one.
Sure, he’s the perfect gentleman when you’re out on a date or just talking on the phone. But if he has nothing to say or has to leave when you’re going through a family crisis or have lost your job, he’s not the one. You can also find someone who will be there for you during your time of need.
7. Know that if he’s abusive, he’ll never be the one. If your man is abusive, there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it—you must leave the relationship immediately. When it comes to physical or emotional abuse, there are no excuses such as “he’ll never do it again” or “he really loves me, he just has a lot of problems.” If he puts his hand on you and hurts you, he is not the one for you, and you should end the relationship as soon as possible.
Nobody said it was easy to leave an abusive man, especially if you’re afraid of doing so. However, you must speak with your friends and family to obtain assistance in leaving him as soon as possible and as safely as possible.
Part 3: Observing Your Relationship
1. If he isn’t your best friend, you can be sure he isn’t the one. If he’s the one, you should think of him as your best friend, the person to whom you can tell anything and to whom you feel most comfortable opening up. If this is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you should feel this way. Of course, if you have a lot of close friends, it may take a while to get here, but this is how you feel about him.
If you think he’s your romantic partner but can’t really open up to him, he’s not the one.
2. If you can barely communicate with him, you know he’s not the one. Everyone has communication issues, but if you and the guy can barely talk to each other without fighting or misunderstanding, he’s not the one. If he becomes enraged every time you try to have a serious conversation with him, he isn’t the one because he isn’t willing to have an open, honest relationship with you.
If you avoid discussing serious issues or things that bother you because you know he won’t do anything about it, he’s not the one.
If he doesn’t seem to be listening to you or even looking at you when you try to tell him something important, he’s not the one.
3. If he doesn’t get along with your friends and family, he’s not the one. You may not think this is a big deal when you first start dating, but after a while, it’s important that your man gets along with your friends and family. These are the people who are closest to you and share at least some of your values; if he can’t get along with even one of them and doesn’t even try, he’s not the one.
Of course, he may not be able to get along with all of your friends and family, and there may be a few people with whom he simply cannot connect. It’s also possible that you have a particularly difficult family to please, which is fine. The most important thing is that he tries—if he doesn’t get along with the people you care about and appears to be fine with it, he’s not the one.
4. If you’re not better together, he’s not the one. The best part about having a meaningful relationship with your soul mate is that you truly complete each other and make each other feel better when you’re together. Your man should make you feel better about yourself and encourage you to grow and reach your full potential. If you feel like he puts you down and makes you worse rather than better, he’s not the one for you.
Consider how you’ve changed since meeting him. Have you become more driven, motivated, or simply a happier person, or have you begun to doubt yourself and your ability to fulfil your potential? If he has slowed you down, he isn’t the one.
Of course, you should also encourage him to do better.
5. If he does not share your values, you can be sure he is not the one. If you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, you need to make sure you agree on a lot of things. This doesn’t mean you have to share the same religion or political affiliation, and there’s something to be said for opposites attracting, but if his perspective on the world is so radically different from yours that you can’t agree on anything, he’s not the one.
If you are a true optimist and he is constantly complaining and bringing you down and can’t find anything to be happy about, he may still be the one, but you must ask yourself if this is something you are willing to put up with for the rest of your life.
If you believe in charity and helping others, but he believes it is a waste of time, you must consider how important this is to you.
Though political affiliation is not a reason for a break-up, if being a liberal is very important to you and is a big part of who you are, you may want to consider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who opposes so many of your ideas.
6. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not the one. The bottom line is this. If he’s the one, he should love and appreciate the person you’ve become. He should not tell you that he wishes you were skinnier, dressed sexier, talked less, or stopped doing the things you care about. Though you can work on growing together and addressing your common flaws, he should like who you are at your core and encourage you to be the person you want to be rather than trying to change you.
If he doesn’t really get you, if he criticises you for having different opinions or wanting things that aren’t what he wants, then he’s not the one.
If you find yourself changing just to please him, he’s not the one.
If he does not treat you with the basic respect you deserve, he is not the one.
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