Having a crush can be exciting, but it can also be nerve-racking. Making the first move can be intimidating, but keep in mind that many people are drawn to you without your knowledge. You can find out if the feelings are mutual by assessing the situation, reflecting on the signs, and flirting with the person you like.
Part 1: Evaluating Social Clues
1. Examine your current relationship status with them. If you have never spoken to the person you like, this could be advantageous or disadvantageous for you, depending on the circumstances. If you are already friends with them or know them in some capacity, approaching them with this information may be easier — and riskier. The more aware you are of your current situation with them, the better equipped you will be to devise a successful strategy.
If they are in a relationship, you should respect that relationship and refrain from initiating romantic contact.
You have very little risk if you are just acquaintances, but you also don’t know if they like you at all. You should evaluate their actions and proceed if you believe you have a chance or it is important to you to express your feelings (though you should be good at handling rejection and not taking it personally before you take this risk blindly).
If you’re just friends, you already know them, but you also run the risk of jeopardising your friendship. Consider whether changing your friendship is worthwhile, and whether you can still be friends if they aren’t interested.
2. Talk to your friends about it. Your friends, especially those who know the person you’re interested in, will be able to give you invaluable advice on whether or not you have a chance with them. Consider which of your friends will be honest with you — some of your friends may be too afraid to hurt your feelings and will encourage you even if they don’t think you have a chance with that person. If you have a friend who has a history of being honest with you, even in difficult situations, ask their advice on whether or not you should approach the person you like.
Ask your friends to pay attention to the situation the next time you’re all around the person you like so they can give you feedback later.
3. Make plans for a group outing. A group outing is an excellent way to gauge their level of interest in a non-threatening setting. Plan a trip to the bowling alley, movie theatre, or mall with them and your mutual friends. This is a great way to interact with them in a safe environment while having your friends act as buffers if you get nervous or things get awkward. You can tell you have a chance with them if they try to stay close to you throughout the night, more so than with others.
Group outings are also a great way for them to see you having fun, which may pique their interest in you.
4. Keep an eye on their friends. When people have a crush, they often tell their friends, and their friends give away hints. Notice if their friends make little jokes or hint at a relationship between the two of you when you’re around them. If they encourage physical contact, such as trying to get the two of you to hold hands, this could be a sign that your crush is also crushing on you.
5. Take a look at their social media. Check to see if they’ve recently posted anything about having a crush or being interested in someone. However, don’t go too far back in their history. Instead, simply skim through what they’ve been posting over the last few weeks. You never know, one of their status updates or tweets might be about you!
This may also assist you in determining whether or not there is another person in the picture. If they post something like, “Had an incredible day with someone really special!” and you haven’t seen them all day, you may suspect they have a crush on someone else.
Part 2: Examining Your Interactions
1. Check to see if they will let you into their personal space. If your crush backs away from you when you get close, it could be a sign that they aren’t interested in you. However, if they remain in the same spot or move closer to you, it is possible that they like you. When you are interested in someone, you often want to maintain a close relationship with that person.
Consider what would happen if your crush went a step further and made contact with you. Do they high-five you, hug you, or tickle you? This could imply that they have feelings for you as well.
2. Consider how frequently they try to spend time with you. Making an effort to be around you is one of the true indicators of whether someone is interested. If you do not know the person, this information may be less relevant; however, if you are already friends or are in the same class, this can be easily assessed.
If they try to spend time alone with you, it could be an indication that they like you.
If they try to be your group project partner or sit with you at lunch, it could be a sign that they are interested.
Consider how much and how frequently they text or call you, as well as whether they regularly like or comment on your social media posts.
If you know someone, notice if they say hello or make an effort to talk to you when you cross paths.
3. Determine their level of involvement. One surefire way to tell if someone is interested is to observe the types and quality of interactions you have with them. When someone likes you, they will usually try to learn more about you, often by asking questions. They also pay more attention to you than the average person or friend would. Consider any instances in which your crush remembered something about you or something you told them in the past. If you can recall such instances, it is likely that they like you.
Consider the types of questions they pose to you. The more in-depth the questions, the more likely they are to be interested.
4. Examine their body language. Aside from them trying to get closer to you, think about other ways people show interest through body language. When someone makes eye contact with you while you are speaking or when they are speaking to you, it is often a sign of attraction. Eye contact is a way for people to express interest in the conversation and, by extension, in others.
Take note of how they interact with others. If you notice them being touchy-feely with everyone else but you, it’s possible they’re not interested. At the same time, treating you differently than everyone else may indicate that they are nervous in your presence. Because body language can be perplexing, consider other factors as well.
Take note of whether they face you in a crowd, gravitate towards you, or sit close to you when possible.
Flirting with Them, Part 3
1. Examine their reactions to your touch. Their reaction to your touch says a lot about them. If you are friends, you could try touching them on the arm during conversation, such as when they make you laugh, or even resting your head on their shoulder. These are excellent ways to determine how at ease they are in your presence. If they don’t like you, they’ll probably tense up, which can be your cue to stop touching them in that moment. However, if they feel at ease with you, they will act normally or, even better, they will begin to touch you back! If they begin to touch you back, this is one of the most telling signs that they are developing feelings for you.
Try randomly touching their shoulder for a second or two while they’re speaking, or gently and casually elbowing them in the arm when they make a funny joke.
Mirroring how they touch you is the safest way to touch them. If they nudge you in the shoulder or hug you when they see you, you can do the same with them without them first initiating it.
2. Alter your body language. Flirtation and expressing affection for someone entails far more than just words. Your body can also communicate your emotions. Make gestures that show you like them with your body language.
When they speak, lean in slightly.
When they speak, look them in the eyes softly.
When you see them or hear something cute from them, smile brightly at them.
Laugh at their pranks.
When you laugh at them, place your hand on their shoulder for a few seconds, or touch their knee briefly when you sit next to them and talk to them.
You can also hug them when you see them and just before you leave.
3. Increase your compliments to them. This is a great way to tell someone you like them without actually telling them. The majority of people enjoy receiving compliments, and your crush is most likely no exception. Let them know if they look particularly attractive one day. Let them know that you admire their intelligence and work ethic if they do well on a school project or a work assignment. If this is too daring for you, you could simply say, “It’s been a pleasure talking with you,” as you part ways.
However, don’t overdo the compliments. Too much of a good thing can sometimes be detrimental. For the time being, limit yourself to once or twice per week.
4. Demonstrate interest in them. Being a good listener is often a very appealing quality because it demonstrates that you are interested in their lives, interests, and opinions. When your crush is speaking, ask questions and make eye contact to show that you are paying attention. Remember key points from the conversation so you can bring them up later.
For example, if your crush mentioned a band they like, you might go home and listen to them. “Hey, I checked out that band you were talking about!” you can say the next time you see your crush.
If your crush expresses concern about a big test coming up, you can follow up later by asking how it went.
5. Be considerate. Whether or not your crush likes you, you should always respect them. People respond positively to being respected and well-treated, and your crush is no exception. Whether you start dating this person or they ask you to keep your distance, never criticise them and always respect their boundaries.
Respect their wishes in addition to only speaking kindly of them. You should comply if they ask you to reduce your flirting. Allow them the space they require.
6. Take a chance! If you’ve determined that you have a chance with your crush, whether it’s a small or large chance, you should go for it. Make time to talk to them in person and express your feelings. Do it in a quiet place, such as a park, where noise will not distract them. Face-to-face interaction is preferable, but if that is not possible, you can write them a letter or call them on the phone. Best wishes!
Keep in mind that if they aren’t interested in dating you, it isn’t a reflection on you. It simply means that this person isn’t right for you. You deserve to be with someone who is enthusiastic about dating you, so don’t waste any more time with this person.
Part 4: Assessing the Situation
1. Examine your emotions. Before you decide to pursue this person fully, you should consider why you like them and why you want to develop a relationship with them. Sometimes we develop false attachments to others simply because they are popular or because someone else likes them. Take a few moments to consider what you like or find intriguing about this person and whether a relationship with them is worth exploring.
For example, if you want to date them solely for their attractiveness, this may not be a sufficient reason to pursue a relationship.
However, if seeing them makes your heart skip a beat or if seeing them date other people makes you jealous, your feelings may be worth exploring.
2. Keep a journal of your thoughts. Consider writing out your thoughts on paper or in your diary after you’ve given some thought to the person you like and why you like them. Many people benefit from writing to process their thoughts, and it can often help elicit thoughts and feelings that you were previously unaware of.
Make a list of the benefits and drawbacks of pursuing a relationship with this person.
3. Determine whether or not they are a good match for you. We can become so engrossed in the emotions of liking someone that we forget to consider logic. Having a crush can be an exciting time, but it can also be a time when people make poor decisions. Follow your heart, but make sure your head is involved in the process as well.
Consider this person’s values and whether they align with your own. For example, if you are deeply religious but this person is not, there may be issues in the future. Don’t dismiss it.
You may not know much about the person’s values if you don’t know them well. You can, however, search for any obvious red flags. For example, you may have heard that this person is frequently hauled into the principal’s office for inappropriate behaviour, or that he or she has even been in trouble with the law. This is a red flag that you shouldn’t date this person, no matter how cute and mysterious they appear.
4. Speak with someone you trust. Though your friends can be a great source of assistance and support, you can’t beat the advice of your parents. They have probably had many more crushes than your friends and may have very good advice on how to proceed and whether you should proceed at all.
You could say, “Hey Mom, I was wondering if you’ve ever had a crush on someone but weren’t sure if you had a chance with them?” I’d like to get some advice.”
5. Work on getting over your shyness. Maybe you’re the type of person who keeps to themselves and is very quiet. Making new friends or interacting with strangers may be difficult or stressful for you. Instead of thinking of yourself as nervous, think of yourself as excited. Often, the feelings elicited by these emotions are very similar, but it is up to us to control our minds so that we can be masters of our own fate. Stay calm, take deep breaths, and approach the situation with excitement and confidence.
Make a list of your strengths to boost your self-esteem.
Try writing down what you want to say to your crush. Practice your conversation in the mirror, and visualise it going extremely well.
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