One-night stands can be a great way to unwind and have a good time. Although there is nothing wrong with having a one-night stand, it can be difficult to separate sex from emotion at times. However, if you take the time to emotionally prepare yourself, you may find it easier to have a one-night stand and have a good time. If you find yourself thinking about someone after a one-night stand, there are some things you can do to process your feelings and move on.
Part 1: Managing Your Emotions
1. Avoid considering a one-night stand as a way to start a relationship. One night stands are often misunderstood as a good way to meet someone for the first time, but this is rarely the case. Instead, use a one-night stand to satisfy your sex needs while also having fun and enjoying yourself.
Consider whether you want a relationship or just a little fun. If you truly desire a relationship, try looking for one instead. You might get lucky and have a one-night stand that leads to more, but if not, you’ll be confused and regretful.
2. Inform them that you are not looking for anything serious. It may feel awkward at first, but telling the other person right away that you don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment will ensure that you’re both on the same page. This will also prevent any awkwardness later on.
Maintain a light and casual tone. Before you leave with your lover, simply state, “I just want to be up front so that we’re both on the same page.” I’d like to accompany you home, but I don’t want this to go any further than tonight. Is that okay with you?”
This can also assist you in avoiding wishful thinking. If you’ve said this to the other person and they’ve said they don’t want anything, you won’t be left wondering if they wanted something else.
3. Remind yourself that it is only for entertainment purposes. If you find yourself having feelings you don’t want to have, remind yourself that you had a one-night stand because you wanted to do something fun, not because you wanted to meet your next boyfriend or girlfriend.
Try to be grateful that you met a nice person with whom you could have a fun experience and leave it at that.
4. Consider why you want to have a one-night stand. Is it because you’re in the mood for sex, or is there another, more profound reason? Perhaps you’re feeling a little insecure and believe that a one-night stand will make you feel more valuable. The key to a one-night stand is to keep in mind that it is just something you want to do for fun.
If you do it to feel needed or desired, you may end up feeling bad later. If this is the case, it may be best to forego the one-night stand. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself instead. Go to the gym or treat yourself to a facial. For a brief moment, receiving validation from another person may feel good, but the only person who can truly make you feel good about yourself is you.
Making It Easier for Yourself, Part 2
1. Maintain a light and superficial tone. When it comes to a one-night stand, it is best to keep things light and somewhat superficial in order to reduce the chances of falling in love. Avoid focusing on the person’s personality, values, interests, and so on. Instead, try to find someone who is physically appealing to you, but don’t be too concerned about his or her personality.
When speaking with the person, try to keep the conversation light and fun. Flirt, discuss the drinks, the music, the moment, or the evening’s events. Try to avoid deep discussions about the person’s values, passions, and other personal matters.
You could even look for someone with whom you have little in common or who has a personality that you dislike. Consider a time when you thought to yourself that you found someone physically attractive but didn’t want to pursue them because you didn’t like their personality. This may be the type of person with whom you can have a one-night stand without fear of falling in love.
2. Don’t spend the night. If you end up at their house, leave once you’ve had your fill of them. Because you’re sleeping and possibly cuddling with the other person, staying the night may create a false sense of intimacy. You don’t have to appear cold or uncaring when you leave. Simply explain that you have a big day tomorrow and don’t want to be rushed in the morning.
Keep in mind that this does not imply that you must get up and dash for the door as soon as the party is over. You are welcome to stay for a while if it is convenient for you. Don’t, however, stay for hours.
It can be a little more difficult if they are staying at your house. You could casually mention that you have an early meeting, and they might take the hint. If they don’t get the hint, be polite and let them stay if they so desire.
3. Leave as soon as possible in the morning. If you must stay the night for whatever reason, don’t linger in the morning. Keeping the amount of time you have to get to know each other to a minimum will prevent you from developing feelings for them.
Don’t be impolite about it. Make up an excuse if they ask you to stay for a while. Assume you have plans and must leave as soon as possible to avoid being late. “Thank you for a nice time,” and then leave.
If you believe you will be staying the night (for example, because it is already very late), consider casually mentioning that you have a lot going on the next day. Do this in the evening, when the other person will not be expecting you to stay.
4. Don’t give out your contact information. If you want to avoid a one-night stand, the simplest thing you can do is resist the urge to exchange contact information. Don’t give them your phone number, and don’t ask for theirs either. Formal paraphrase
You should also avoid searching for them on social media. Deny their friend requests if they look you up. It may sound harsh, but limiting contact will help you avoid falling for their tricks.
If the other person gives you their phone number without asking, throw the paper away as soon as possible. This will help you avoid appearing rude, but it will also make it impossible for you to contact them.
If they do send you a friend request and you don’t want to deny it without explaining why, you can just send them a quick message saying something like, “Thanks for the request!” I had a great time with you, but I’m not interested in going any further. I wish you the best of luck!”
5. Ignore the one-night stand. If you don’t think you’ll be able to avoid developing feelings for the other person, and you don’t want to deal with the consequences of those feelings, skip the experience entirely.
This is not to say there is anything wrong with having one, but if it makes you sad, it may not be worth it.
Part 3: Overcoming a One-Night Stand
1. Don’t add them as a friend on social media. If you haven’t already done so, resist the urge to look them up on social media. If you’ve already done so, remove them. You will be unhappy if you have access to their social media.
Similarly, if you have any of their other contact information, delete it. This will make it impossible to contact them to see if they are interested.
2. Don’t get together with them again. If you choose not to delete their contact information, or if they contact you for another hookup, politely decline! It may appear to be a good idea at the time, but it will only lead you deeper into the rabbit hole.
Be aware that you will most likely try to convince yourself that it is a good idea to hook up again. For example, if they call you and invite you over, you might think to yourself, “Well, hooking up with them again might help me get it out of my system” or “Hooking up again will remind me that I didn’t think they were that great anyway.” It is extremely unlikely that either of those things will come to pass.
3. Remind yourself that it was all in good fun. Make the most of your one-night stand by learning from it. Perhaps your one-night stand taught you that it is difficult for you to have casual sex without allowing feelings to enter the picture. You now understand that it is not something to be taken lightly, and that is perfectly fine.
Consider it as a learning experience. For example, you may have had a good time with an attractive person or you may have had the opportunity to experiment sexually. You must deal with the consequences of that night, but it does not have to become a bad memory.
4. Consider the disparate aspects of that person. When you have feelings for someone, it is easy to dismiss aspects of that person that don’t fit with who you are. Because your goal is to get over that person, try to concentrate on your differences in personalities, lifestyles, interests, and so on. Hopefully, this has helped you realise that a relationship is not a good fit for you.
For example, perhaps that person was a bad fit in terms of personality, lifestyle, or other factors, such as being extremely shy while you enjoy getting out and socialising.
When you consider the ways in which you and this person are mismatched, try to be as honest with yourself as possible.
5. Look for a more fulfilling relationship. Many people advise giving yourself time to heal after a breakup, but in this case, you didn’t break up with anyone, so there’s no reason you can’t look for a more emotionally committed relationship. This will help you realise that while the one-night stand was enjoyable, it did not necessarily imply love.
If you’re not sure how to meet other people looking for relationships, you can try online dating.
Inquire with your friends if they know of anyone who could set you up.
Try doing something you enjoy, which will also allow you to meet new people. Volunteer for a cause that is important to you, for example. If you are religious, you should join a church. This will assist you in locating people with whom you share values.
Creative Commons License