It can be difficult to know what to do if you are a girl who has developed feelings for a female friend. Begin by closely examining your feelings and the situation to determine whether it is worthwhile to tell her how you feel. If you decide to tell her, make a careful plan for the conversation. Then, pay attention to what she has to say and proceed from there!
Part 1: Assessing the Situation
1. Consider whether you’re willing to jeopardise your friendship in order to express your feelings. This is possibly the most important factor to consider before telling a female friend you like her. If she doesn’t feel the same way, revealing your feelings may cause the relationship to become awkward or even end. Consider how you would feel if you lost her friendship and whether this is worse than not telling her how you feel.
It’s also possible that she’ll reciprocate your feelings, and the two of you could have a fulfilling romantic relationship.
2. Look for signs that she is romantically interested in you. Consider how she interacts with you and whether she has said or done anything to suggest that she, too, has feelings for you. Body language cues, such as smiling, leaning in towards you, and watching your mouth, are some signs that a girl might like you.
I message you frequently, either to chat or to make plans with you.
Asking you a lot of personal questions and expressing genuine interest in you.
Mirroring your body movements, for example, by placing an elbow on the table in front of them.
3. Consider how you’d feel if you never got the chance to tell her. If you’re undecided about telling her how you feel, taking the opposing viewpoint may help you decide whether or not to say anything. Consider how you would feel if she left and you never told her how you felt. Is it going to feel like a missed opportunity? Would you be sorry if you hadn’t told her? If this is the case, you should inform her.
If the thought of not telling her makes you feel relieved, it may be best to remain silent for the time being.
4. Discuss your feelings for the girl with a trustworthy friend. Thinking about your feelings on your own is unlikely to help you decide whether or not to tell her. Instead, find a reliable friend and tell them what you’re thinking. They can provide their perspective on the situation, which may help you decide whether or not to say anything.
For example, your friend might tell you whether or not they see you and this person together, or if your friend has ever expressed an interest in you or given any indication that they do, such as by flirting with you.
5. To see what happens, drop hints and flirt with her. If you aren’t ready to tell your friend how you feel, flirting with her may help you decide. Try complimenting your friend more frequently, making more eye contact with her, and possibly even engaging in some playful teasing.
For example, you could say, “You look amazing in that dress!” I can’t take my gaze away from you!” You could also say, “You’re so sweet!” I wish I could eat you!”
Tip: If you’re comfortable touching your friend, try gently touching her arm while you’re talking to her or gently nudging her with your shoulder while you’re walking together.
Part 2: Expressing Your Emotions to Her
1. Choose a suitable time and location for your conversation with your friend. It is a delicate conversation to tell someone you like them, so make sure you have the time and privacy to do it properly. Inquire with your friend about a suitable time for her and make plans to meet her at a predetermined location.
Avoid conversing with her in front of others. Make sure you’ll be alone for the discussion.
If you want to meet somewhere public, try meeting at a café and requesting a corner table, or arrange to meet at your or her home for more privacy.
2. To bring your emotions under control, take deep breaths. If you’re worried about telling her, take a few deep breaths before you begin. Breathe in through your nose for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and exhale through your mouth for 5 seconds. This should help you feel more at ease, making it easier to speak without becoming overly emotional.
Remind yourself to breathe deeply throughout the rest of the conversation.
3. Remove all distractions so that you can concentrate on the conversation. Sit or stand facing her, for example, across from her at a table or by turning towards her on a sofa. Make eye contact with her and put anything that could distract you from the conversation, such as your cell phone, laptop, or tablet, away.
Remove any other possible distractions, such as turning off the television.
4. Express your feelings for her in an open and honest manner. Inform the girl that you like her. Don’t beat around the bush or say anything enigmatic. Simply state the obvious! Taking the risk will make the conversation much more bearable.
Try something like, “Amanda, you’re one of my closest friends, and I believe I’ve developed romantic feelings for you.” It’s perfectly fine if you don’t feel the same way, but I wanted to let you know because I’m afraid I’ll regret it if I don’t.”
Alternatively, you could simply say, “Janice, I like you as more than a friend.” I’m not sure if you feel the same way, but I felt compelled to inform you.”
5. If you’re concerned about how she’ll react, text her. It’s fine to send her a text if you’re worried about what she might say or if it just feels less scary. Keep the text brief and straightforward. In 2-3 sentences, try to express how you feel, and let her know it’s okay if she doesn’t feel the same way. If she is uncomfortable responding, try to end the text so that it does not require a response. Plan to send the text in the afternoon or evening, rather than late at night or early in the morning, because she may be annoyed if she receives it at an inconvenient time.
Text her something like, “Hello Melanie. I enjoy spending time with you and believe I have feelings for you. I’m not sure if that’s something you’d be interested in investigating, but I just wanted to express my feelings.”
You could also text her and say, “Christina, I’m going out on a limb here, but I think I’m falling for you.” I understand if you don’t share my sentiments, but please let me know if you do.”
When texting her, always use proper grammar and avoid acronyms. Make the most of your opportunity!
Part 3: Taking the Relationship Forward
1. After you’ve told your friend how you feel, pay attention to her reaction. Allow your friend to respond, and pay close attention to what she says. Your friend may tell you that she likes you as well, she may request more time to process what you’ve told her, or she may tell you right away that she does not like you. Listen carefully and don’t interrupt her, no matter how she responds.
To demonstrate that you’re paying attention to her, try nodding and maintaining a neutral expression while she speaks.
2. Be prepared for her to appear surprised. If your friend appears surprised when you tell her how you feel, try to prepare yourself for this reaction. Keep in mind, however, that this is a normal reaction when someone learns that a friend likes them. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you, but she may not have thought of you in this way before.
You could try role playing with another friend to practise interacting with your friend after telling her you like her. Allow them to act as the girl you like and react in a variety of ways to help you decide how to respond.
3. If she says she likes you back, make plans to do something fun with her. Make plans to do something together if, after you’ve revealed your feelings to your friend, she says she likes you, too! Plan your first date or a casual outing together, such as going to see a movie or getting coffee.
Try something like, “Would you like to go to the movies with me on Saturday evening?” or “I’d like to hang out with you this week.” When are you going to be available?”
4. If your friend does not share your sentiments, respond graciously. It’s critical to admit that you accept your friend’s decision if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, especially if you want to keep the friendship. Tell her you still value her friendship and that you understand they don’t feel the same way about you. Thank her for taking the time to listen to you and for being open and honest with you.
Try something like, “I understand.” I value your friendship and appreciate your candour.”
5. Recognize your emotions and allow yourself to feel them. Allow yourself to be sad and even cry after being rejected by your friend once you’re on your own. This is normal, and you have the right to be sad. Just don’t let these emotions consume you for too long.
You could, for example, allow yourself to be sad and cry about what happened for 1-2 days, but then get out and do something fun to distract yourself.
6. If you need some space from your friend, take a step back. Spending time with a friend who has stated that she does not reciprocate your feelings can be difficult. It’s fine to cancel plans with her and avoid making new ones for a while. You could also limit your encounters with her by avoiding places where you know she will be.
Try something like, “Janet, I appreciate our friendship, but I need to work through some issues before we spend time together again.” I hope you get it.”
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