How to Enjoy Phone Sex

Phone sex can be an excellent way to connect with your partner, whether you’re in a long-distance relationship or simply want to spice things up. It can feel strange, if not ridiculous, to talk dirty to someone over the phone if you’re not used to it. Phone sex, on the other hand, can be a lot of fun with time and practise. It may even assist you in becoming more comfortable with yourself, as well as assisting you and your partner in bonding.

Part 1: Getting Ready for the Phone Call

1. Make a good plan for your phone date. Plan your phone date so that you have at least an hour before to relax and get in the right frame of mind. If your phone date begins minutes after you rush in the door from a stressful day at school or work, you will most likely find it difficult to relax.

In addition, allow yourself twice as much time as you think you’ll need for the call. Plan for two hours if you think you’ll need one.

2. Remove items from your to-do list. When you’re stressed out about doing the laundry, washing the dishes, or working on that report that’s due in a few days, it can be difficult to relax. Allow yourself some time before your phone date to work on the issues that are causing you stress.

Finishing some chores before your phone date can help you feel as if you’ve earned the break, making it easier to relax and enjoy the conversation.

If you know you’ll be exhausted at the end of the day, it’s probably not a good idea to try to do your chores before your phone date. Set aside time before your chores for your romantic encounter in this case.

3. Deal with your inhibitions. Determine what it is about phone sex that you find difficult to deal with. Perhaps you don’t feel sexy, or you dislike the sound of your voice. Or perhaps you have difficulty expressing your desires. Whatever is preventing you from enjoying phone sex is most likely preventing you from enjoying other aspects of your life as well, so it’s worthwhile to address it!

The ability to let go of inhibitions has a lot to do with self-confidence. Try exercising regularly and keeping a journal in which you write at least 5 positive things about yourself each day to boost your self-esteem.

If you’re having trouble finding yourself attractive and imagining that your partner might have feelings for you, try focusing on what you find attractive in your partner. What piques your interest in him/her?

Instead of focusing on the ways you feel unattractive, concentrate on the ways your partner turns you on.

4. Let go of your reservations. If you’re new to phone sex, you may have doubts about your ability to be a good partner. You may be wondering if phone sex can be sexy at all. Perhaps you’re afraid you’ll start laughing, or that you’ll say something stupid and your partner will laugh at you. Whatever your reservations are, you must let them go.

Writing down all of your doubts is one way to get rid of them. Consider some solutions as you write them down — for example, if you’re worried about not knowing what to say, think of some things you could say ahead of time. Simply describing a previous romantic encounter with your partner could be a good place to begin.

It may also be beneficial to discuss your concerns with your partner. That way, you can collaborate to come up with solutions to your doubts.

Getting in the Mood, Part 2

1. Take a deep breath. Phone sex is similar to actual sex in that you will enjoy yourself more if you are not tense and worried. If you’re nervous about your phone date, try these relaxation techniques to take your mind off of it:

Take a hot bath. Play soft music, light candles, and soak in water with epsom salts to soften your skin. This may also assist you in getting in the mood.

Dance around your room to loud music. Don’t watch yourself dance in the mirror; instead, move around freely and enjoy the sensation of movement. Dance silly, dance sexy — whatever makes you happy and relaxed.

Watch some entertaining videos on the internet — cute animals and funny videos are excellent stress relievers.

2. Prepare for your phone date in the same way that you would for a physical date. Shower or bathe, apply perfume or cologne, and dress in something that makes you feel good. Make your hair and, if you wear makeup, apply a small amount.

3. Set the stage. Make sure you’re in a private place (not at work, school, or another public location) where you feel comfortable letting go — this will most likely be your bedroom or, if you live alone, your living room. Tidy up the room and arrange some blankets and pillows so you have a comfortable place to sit or lie while you talk on the phone. Turn on some soft music and light some candles.

If you play soft music, make sure it is loud enough for you to hear your partner. Instrumentals are probably best because they don’t compete with other people speaking/singing in the background.

Begin thinking about what you want to say or do to your partner as you set the scene. If you can’t think of anything, think about romantic times you haven’t had with your partner in the past and how you’d describe them to him/her.

4. Begin to feel sexy. Try to arrive 30 to 60 minutes early for your date; use this time to do things that will help you get in the mood:

You can even take a photo of yourself and send it to your partner with a flirty message like “ready for our date!” or “can’t wait to hear your voice!” if you have a camera phone.

Treat yourself to a sensual massage. To get in the mood for your date, massage your neck, back, shoulders, thighs, or even your erogenous zones.

Part 3: Breaking Free from Your Mind

1. Keep your laughter to a minimum. Laughing at the wrong time can derail any sexual encounter, whether in person, online, or over the phone. If your fears of laughing are interfering with your enjoyment of phone sex, it may be best to inform your partner ahead of time.

“I’d like to try phone sex, but I’m afraid I’ll laugh and ruin everything.” What should we do if I start laughing?” Bringing it up with your partner in this manner should help alleviate some of your anxiety.

If you and your partner are completely at ease with each other, a little bit of laughter will not ruin the sexual experience. Work on recognising when you’re about to burst out laughing and kicking it aside, even if you have to acknowledge it before moving on.

2. Make a fool of yourself until you make it. If nothing else works and you’re having trouble getting into phone sex, try taking a step back and pretending to be someone who enjoys phone sex. Do this for at least a few minutes — it may be all that is required for you to feel turned on and have more fun with it.

It may feel insincere at first, but once you get used to pretending to have phone sex, you may find that you enjoy it; after that, it should come much more naturally to you without having to pretend.

3. Close your eyes and think about what you want to see. Close your eyes and visualise what you and your partner are describing as another way to step outside of yourself during phone sex. This may assist you in entering the scene you’re imagining and leaving your doubts and inhibitions at the door.

If you have trouble imagining your and your partner’s words, try reading erotica or watching love scenes in romantic films to help you develop your imagination.

4. Find out what your phone sex personality is. If being yourself isn’t working for phone sex, try pretending to be someone else entirely. Having an alter ego can assist you in removing yourself from the situation. Just make sure to explain to your partner what you’re doing, or he/she may become confused if you lower your voice or refer to yourself in a different way!

Perhaps your alter ego has a lower voice and/or enjoys dirty talk.

Perhaps your alter ego has desires that you are unaware of.

You and your partner might even consider creating alter egos (also known as role-playing) together.

Part 4: Collaborating with Your Partner

1. Make sure you’re at ease with your partner. If your partner is really pushing for phone sex and you’re having trouble giving him/her what he/she wants, ask yourself if it’s the phone sex or your partner, or both.

If it’s the phone sex that’s the issue, you should be able to openly discuss your concerns with your partner and work through them together. If your partner loves you, he or she will not try to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

If you’re not comfortable with your partner, it’s possible that you’re not ready to have phone sex with him/her yet. Perhaps you are unsure whether you can trust him/her to keep your sessions private, or you are concerned that he/she will judge you. If this is the case, it is acceptable to tell your partner that you would like to wait until you feel more at ease.

2. Speak with your partner. Tell your partner why you’re finding it difficult to enjoy phone sex. If you’re uncomfortable with your partner, try to find a respectful and non-accusatory way to express that.

You should be able to discuss any concerns you have with your partner in an open and respectful manner. Ideally, your partner will allay your fears!

3. Take your cue from your partner. If your partner is more into phone sex than you are, you might be better off following in his or her footsteps. Instead of starting the sexy conversation, wait for him/her to ask what you’re wearing, tell you you’re sexy, and tell you about what he/she is doing to you. You can start talking and initiating more once you feel more at ease.

If your partner is aware that you are nervous about the experience, he or she should be fine with allowing you to follow his or her lead a little more.

4. Don’t be afraid to seek assistance. If you’re in the middle of what’s supposed to be a heated phone call, don’t be afraid to tell your partner when you can’t think of anything to say or when you need a little more assistance.

Try not to be overly sorry. Saying “sorry” or beating yourself up for not knowing what to say may derail the conversation. Just keep it light and enjoyable. It’s not a big deal to ask for help!

You might even find a way to request assistance while remaining in the realm of romantic language, such as “I’m so turned on right now I can’t think straight.” Maybe you can point me in the right direction?”

Other phrases to use: “I’m at a loss for what to do next…can you take over?” or “My mind just blanked out.” Keep going, and I’ll come up with something.”

5. Allow yourself enough time to get into a sexy groove. Even on the phone, foreplay is essential: don’t go from saying hello to expressing how turned on you are. Begin with sexy small talk, then move on to what you’re wearing and how much you wish you were physically together before getting X-rated.

Small talk before getting into the dirty stuff will not only make you feel more at ease, but it will also build anticipation and make your phone session that much steamier. Just make sure your small talk is lighthearted and doesn’t veer into a rant about work or upcoming school assignments.

If your partner is moving faster than you, request that he or she slow down until you are ready. “I’m just enjoying the sound of your voice right now,” you can say. “Can we please wait a little longer before we remove our clothes?”

6. If you can’t make it work, don’t be afraid to admit it. If you’ve tried everything and still can’t get it to work, tell your partner that phone sex isn’t for you. If your partner wanted you to do something in bed that you didn’t want to do, you’d tell him/her; phone sex is no different.

It won’t matter whether you enjoy phone sex or not if your relationship is strong.

Don’t berate yourself for not being in the mood for phone sex. Other ways for you and your partner to have a sexy time together include dirty talk, stripteases, and role playing in the bedroom.

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