Whether you’re just getting over a breakup or trying to break bad habits, there may come a time when you don’t want to fall in love. If this describes your current situation, you may be unsure how to control your emotions. You can accomplish this by focusing on yourself for a while and putting strategies in place to reduce your chances of developing feelings for someone else. It may also be beneficial to examine your reasons for pushing love away in order to eventually break old, unhealthy relationship patterns.
Method 1: Concentrate on Yourself
1. Make your desire to remain single known to the public. If you want to discourage potential suitors from showing up at your door, state your intentions right away. Inform your friends, family, and extended social circle that you are not looking for love.
For example, you could include the phrase “happily single” in your social media profiles so that your entire social circle is aware of your intentions. That way, they won’t try to set you up with anyone or encourage others to romantically pursue you.
If you have a crush on someone, you can express your feelings by reminding them that you want to remain single or that you only see them as a friend.
2. Maintain your focus on achieving your objectives. Avoid falling in love by concentrating solely on your career or other goals. Make a vision board and leave out any relationship-related items. Make a clear plan for achieving your objectives your primary focus.
Remember that being overly goal-oriented can harm your social connections if you never make time for friends or family.
3. Request accountability reminders. It’s impossible to avoid potential suitors entirely. You could easily meet someone at work or while socialising with friends. To keep any strong emotions in check, enlist the help of friends and family. Inform them that you are not interested in falling in love and request that they hold you accountable.
For example, you could ask a coworker to remind you of your objectives whenever they see you laughing too hard at the new guy’s jokes. When you’re at a bar, your best friend can help you avoid the attractive bartender.
4. Take care of yourself. Self-care is essential for healing from emotional wounds or concerns. Make it a habit to look after yourself and prioritise your own health and well-being. Even if you do end up falling in love, stick to your routine.
Eating nutritious meals, exercising at least 30 minutes per day, sleeping seven to nine hours per night, and making time for hobbies and passions are all examples of self-care practises.
5. Instead, fall in love with yourself. Falling in love with yourself instead of someone else is a great way to reduce your chances of falling in love with someone else. When people feel unattractive or unwanted, they may be quick to enter into relationships. When you take special care of yourself, you won’t have to rely on others to do it for you.
Recite your positive traits to yourself on a daily basis to remind yourself why you’re awesome. Date yourself to nice restaurants, movies, or concerts. Compliment yourself as you would a significant other. Purchase special gifts for yourself as well.
Furthermore, demonstrating that you are empowered and love yourself will demonstrate to others how you expect to be treated. When you do get into a relationship, the other person will understand how you want to be treated. Take the time to love, kindness, and respect yourself.
Method 2: Handling New Loves and Old Flames
1. Remove yourself from the situation. The most important factor in controlling your feelings for someone is to spend less time with them, especially alone time. If at all possible, avoid the individual. If you can’t avoid them entirely, make sure the two of you don’t spend too much time together alone.
For example, if this person invites you out to drinks, suggest making it a group activity to limit your alone time.
Instead, surround yourself with people who are positive, uplifting, and make you feel good, such as friends and family. They should be accepting and encouraging of your emotions. They should also be contributing to your visions and understand that this is your personal storey to tell.
2. Block them on the internet. Keeping in touch with the person online can still have an impact on your emotions, so get some distance there as well. Unfriend them on all of your social media accounts. If this seems too extreme, download an app that completely controls your social media usage—if you can’t log into Facebook, you can’t stalk their page.
Commit to unplugging when you’re most likely to cyber-stalk. Smartphone apps such as Freedom and SelfControl may also be of assistance.
3. Stop flirting with each other. You should also try to limit their feelings for you if at all possible. As a result, it’s best to avoid leading them on. Apparently innocuous compliments, touches, or glances can convey the message that you like someone. As a result, avoid such interactions.
If you must interact with them, do so with polite indifference, using only “hi” and “bye.”
4. Concentrate on the negative aspects of them. When you fall in love with someone, your perception of them is often distorted. You can only see what makes this person so exceptional. Develop a more sober and realistic perception of the other person to help you control your emotions.
Nobody is without flaws. Make a list of the reasons why this person isn’t. When you find yourself thinking about them too much, go back over the list.
For example, if you’re dealing with an old flame, you could list the reasons you broke up with them, such as “He lies compulsively” or “She doesn’t prioritise spending time with me.”
5. Remind yourself that they’re unavailable. Perhaps your desire to avoid falling in love with this person is motivated by their marital status. If this person has a significant other, whenever you fantasise about them, imagine that person’s face or name. This may assist you in maintaining objectivity.
6. Accept that the heart desires what it desires. Being in love with someone and acting on that love are two very different emotions. Sometimes, no matter what you do, your heart can’t help but fall in love with someone. If you don’t want to be in a relationship or aren’t ready for love, don’t act on your feelings.
Recognize that you like the person and enjoy their company, but remind yourself that you are not looking for love right now.
One method is to examine key goals in your life that you would like to achieve before falling in love again. For example, perhaps you want to finish your degree before starting a new relationship, or perhaps you want to travel the world.
Method 3: Using Love to Address Your Issues
1. Look into your love problems. When you’re afraid of being hurt or let down, it’s natural to want to distance yourself from others. However, doing so may preclude you from having someone truly special in your life. Try to get to the bottom of what’s causing your emotions. Keep a journal or talk it over with a friend.
For example, perhaps you are afraid of being cheated on because it has happened in the past. Or perhaps you are afraid that falling in love will cause you to abandon your dreams.
2. Consider your dating habits. It’s understandable that you’d want to stop falling in love if you’ve consistently been burned in your love life. Reflecting on your typical dating and relationship experiences, on the other hand, may help you change your love luck.
Ask yourself, “What do I usually do in these situations?” Is it possible for me to identify any common patterns that could influence the outcome?
For example, you may discover during your reflection that you frequently enter into relationships before you have healed from a breakup. You’re just looking for someone to be with so you’re not alone on these rebound dates, but the people you choose aren’t good matches.
3. Modify your dating habits. Change one of your habits to improve your dating luck. For example, perhaps you always find dates in clubs or bars. Joining a club or going to a park might help you find a different date with different outcomes.
Another example is pushing people away because you are afraid of being abandoned. When they leave, the prophecy becomes self-fulfilling. Allowing someone in for a change may result in a different outcome for the relationship.
4. Alter your personality type. Another reason you may want to stop falling in love is that you consistently choose the same type of partner. Perhaps you choose someone who is unavailable, a bad influence, or unable to commit. Changing your personality type may result in a different outcome.
Consider the type of partner you usually choose. When you’re ready to date again, look for someone who is the polar opposite of you.
Choose someone who is more conservative if you usually go for the “bad guy” demeanour. Maybe you like people who are impulsive and abandon their responsibilities at the drop of a hat. However, you may find that going out with someone who is more serious and reliable will result in a more satisfying relationship. Change it up and see what happens.
5. Take it easy. Are you the type of person who can fall in love in less than a week? If this is the case, your proclivity to rush things may be hampering your relationship’s success. Slowing down may give you more time to assess a potential partner’s character and determine compatibility—before you’re already head over heels.
Consider the tempo of your relationships. If you have a habit of meeting someone new and spending the entire weekend with them, try going on one date and then waiting a few days before seeing them again. Give yourself a longer window before becoming intimate if you have sex on the first date.
6. Set your worries aside. If you’re afraid of love or commitment, the only way to overcome it is to confront it. Make a plan for taking small steps to put your fears in their proper place.
For example, if you’re concerned about giving up your dreams for love, make it clear to any potential suitors how important they are to you. Also, prioritise them during the early stages of attachment, when you are more likely to lose focus.
7. Consult a therapist. Perhaps you are afraid of falling in love because of an emotional trauma, such as being abused or rejected. Perhaps you are afraid of giving anyone power in your life, so you keep others at a safe distance. Whatever your reasons are, a psychotherapist can help you identify the source of your anxiety and develop a plan to help you overcome it.
Request a referral to a therapist in your area from your primary care provider.
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