A new relationship is an exciting new chapter in your life, but it can also be frightening. It’s natural to be nervous and insecure at the start of a new relationship, especially if you’ve had bad experiences with previous partners. Instead of allowing negative emotions to fester, try grounding yourself in the present and maintaining open communication with your significant other. You can put your best foot forward in your new relationship if you maintain a positive attitude!
Method 1: Identifying Your Insecurity
1. Determine what is causing you to feel insecure in your new relationship. Consider what is preventing you from fully enjoying your relationship. Remember that insecurities aren’t always easy to identify—they could stem from a bad childhood memory or a negative experience in an old relationship. You’ll have an easier time changing your mindset and confronting your insecurity once you’ve identified what’s really bothering you.
For example, if your previous partner did not spend a lot of time with you, you may have self-esteem issues.
Small, seemingly insignificant conversations and memories from the past can lead to insecurities. Don’t be concerned if you have to dig deep to find the source of your anxiety.
2. Make a list of your insecurities in the second person. Take out a piece of paper and write down your biggest concerns about your new relationship. Instead of saying “I am,” begin each sentence with “you are” to distance yourself from your negative thoughts. Continue writing until you’ve written down all of your major concerns.
For example, you could write, “You are annoying to be around” or “Your partner does not want to spend time with you.”
It may be beneficial to associate each insecurity with a negative event or conversation from your past.
3. Positive statements can help you overcome your insecurities. Pretend you’re a friend offering advice and a listening ear. Write encouraging and loving sentences to counteract your original sentences. Respond with kindness and compassion, just as you would to a friend.
For example, if you wrote, “You’re a burden to your partner,” change it to, “I am a good person who is worthy of love in this new relationship.”
4. Make a strategy to combat your insecure thoughts. Don’t bring your past, as well as any lingering insecurities, into your new relationship. Instead, consider your new partnership to be a blank slate. Face your insecurities head on and stop negative thinking as soon as it begins. Instead, replace negative self-talk with positive self-love.
For example, instead of thinking, “My new partner is bored of me,” replace it with, “My new partner is invested in the relationship, even if he doesn’t always show it.”
You can try redirecting your thoughts by saying something like, “My previous partner may have cheated on me, but my new relationship isn’t like that.” I believe in my partner and will not let another person’s mistakes taint our current relationship.”
Method 2: Increasing Self-Esteem
1. Remind yourself of your worth as a person. Consider yourself as a person, not as a piece of a new relationship. Go over all of the positive characteristics that make you unique and special that aren’t related to your relationship. This value is ingrained in you and will not change as a result of your new relationship.
Make a positive statement to yourself! You could say, “I’m really funny and make everyone around me happy.”
2. Remember to put your trust in yourself. Even if it isn’t always easy, be your own cheerleader. It is critical to recognise that some days in your relationship will be more difficult than others, and that you must be there for yourself during those times. Validate your own thoughts and feelings so that you have a safe place to think and feel during difficult times in your relationships.
Instead of criticising yourself, tell yourself, “My feelings are valid, and it’s okay to be sad sometimes.” I’ll use these experiences to grow as a person.”
3. Make time for yourself. Consider activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as taking a hot bath, playing a video game, or going for a long walk. Allow yourself plenty of “me time” so that your identity does not become entwined with your partner’s. Pursue your own hobbies and socialise with your friends on your own time to have your own life.
Having your own sense of identity may help you feel safe in your new relationship.
Method 3: Developing and Maintaining Healthy Relationship Habits
1. Talk about your concerns with your new partner. Make time to talk with your partner and be honest about your feelings. Be open about your insecurities and what has been bothering you, and give your partner enough time to listen and address your concerns.
For example, you could say, “I’m worried because we haven’t spent a lot of alone time together, and I’m worried that you don’t want to spend a lot of time with me.”
2. Consider things from your partner’s perspective. Take a step back from your worries and pretend you’re seeing them through the eyes of your partner. There’s a good chance your partner doesn’t harbour any resentment or negative feelings toward you, and reverse thinking can help you figure that out!
For example, if you’re concerned that your partner will find you annoying, consider your concern from their point of view. They wouldn’t be in a relationship with you if they didn’t like you in the first place.
3. Allow your partner their own space in the new relationship. It’s great to spend time with your partner, but it’s also important to give your significant other time to themselves. Instead of automatically inviting yourself to every outing your partner attends, let them spend time with their friends. Developing this habit will help you adjust to the dynamics of a new relationship.
4. If you need assistance sorting out your emotions, talk to a trusted friend. Ask a friend if you can call or meet up with them, and then share your thoughts. Describe everything you’ve been thinking and feeling, even if it seems insignificant. Inquire with your friend about the best way to deal with these emotions, and see if they have any suggestions for how to approach your partner.
For example, you could say, “My partner went to a basketball game last night and didn’t invite me.” Is my insecurity justified, or am I overreacting?”
5. Instead of focusing on your worries, do something active. Find an activity that you enjoy, whether it is a sport or a hobby. Rather than thinking about your relationship worries, devote your nervous energy to this activity.
For example, if you start feeling anxious, you can go for a run to clear your mind.
6. Limit your time spent on social media. Spend as little time as possible on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and other social media platforms. It’s easy to get caught up in the glitz and glam of other people’s relationships, but this may exacerbate your insecurity. Furthermore, instead of posting constant pictures and updates about your new relationship, give yourself time to settle into it.
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