Even if you are in a new relationship, you may still have feelings for your ex. However, you may discover that you are having difficulty liking your boyfriend while secretly (or not) still loving your ex. You can enjoy your relationship even if you haven’t completely moved on from your ex if you keep an open mind and are determined.
Method 1: Discovering More About Your Boyfriend
1. Learn everything there is to know about your boyfriend. Learning more about your current boyfriend is one of the best ways to like him. There are things about him you already know and like (or you wouldn’t be with him), but there’s probably a lot about him you don’t know yet. Learning more about your boyfriend’s interests, hobbies, quirks, and so on will help you like him even if you still love your ex.
Find out what makes him happy and sad, what makes him angry, and what his fears, hopes, and dreams are.
2. Recognize that he isn’t perfect. Your new boyfriend will make mistakes, but these should not be held against him. Don’t let his minor gaffes make you dislike him. Cut him some slack unless he’s doing something you consider a deal-breaker.
No one will always have all of the qualities you seek or do things in the manner you prefer.
Don’t expect him to know everything about you just yet. Because the relationship is still new, give him some time to get to know you.
When he makes a mistake, don’t tell him he’s acting like your ex (or how your ex would have handled it better). That can irritate him and make him angry.
3. Be considerate. It’s difficult to like someone you don’t respect. Respect your boyfriend if you want to like him. Respect him as a person, as well as for his presence and opinion. When you’re alone or in public, treat him as if he’s important to you.
You can show your boyfriend respect by not bringing up your ex too frequently or by doing things that show you still love your ex.
Respect your boyfriend and your current relationship by acting like you’re in a relationship (rather than a girl trying to move on from her ex), spending time with him, and getting to know him.
4. Make no comparisons. For several reasons, comparing your current boyfriend to your ex is not a good idea. It’s a bad idea because you have to think about your ex in order to compare the two. A great deal. It’s also a bad idea because you should like your current boyfriend for who he is, not how he differs from (or resembles) your ex.
Avoid thinking about what your boyfriend does better or similar to your ex.
Don’t look for things your ex did better than you. It will strengthen your feelings for your ex rather than make you like your boyfriend more.
Method 2: Fortifying Your New Relationship
1. Believe it can be done. If you don’t think your new relationship has a future, you won’t be as invested in it or as fond of your new boyfriend. Believing in and wanting your relationship to succeed will help you feel better about yourself and your boyfriend. It will also assist you in getting over your ex if you are fully committed to making your new relationship the best it can be.
Make a list of all the reasons why you think this relationship can and will work.
Discuss with your new boyfriend how the two of you can make your relationship beneficial to both of you.
2. Be open to new experiences. Do not try to replicate what you did with your ex. Keep in mind that this is a new and unique relationship. You don’t want to relive your previous relationship with a new boyfriend. Trying new things, developing new rituals, and creating new traditions with your boyfriend will help you bond, making it easier to like him even if you still love your ex.
Consider meeting your new beau for weekend brunch if you and your ex used to eat lunch together every Wednesday and Friday.
If you referred to your ex as “Baby,” try referring to your current boyfriend as “Sweetie,” “Honey,” or another nickname.
3. Discuss your ex. This does not imply that you should have a lengthy discussion about why your ex was so wonderful, especially if you still love him. However, you should discuss briefly why the relationship ended. Talking about it is part of getting to know your boyfriend better. It also reinforces why your ex is your ex rather than your boyfriend, which can make you like your boyfriend even more.
Keep the conversation to the basics: who he was, how long you were together, and why you’re no longer together.
Be truthful. Don’t bash your ex if he truly doesn’t deserve it, and don’t glorify him either. Just be honest about him and your previous relationship.
Talk about it once and then don’t bring it up again. Bringing it up again and again will irritate your new boyfriend.
If you need to talk about your ex more, talk to a friend or, if necessary, a counsellor.
Method 3: Getting Over Your Ex
1. Accept the fact that it is over. Admitting the relationship is over is one of the best ways to move on from your ex. Although you may be holding out hope that you and he will reconcile, you must let that hope fade. The relationship is over, and he is no longer your boyfriend, but rather your ex. Understanding this will allow you to move forward and concentrate more on your current boyfriend.
Try not to think of your ex as your boyfriend. He isn’t. Try not to think about him at all.
Write about the end of the relationship in your journal or with a friend. To emphasise that the relationship is over, use the past tense and include the reasons you split up.
Every time you think about him, consider why you’re glad you’re not together anymore. Make a list of reasons why you’re grateful if necessary.
2. Consider the reasons for your breakup. When we love someone, we sometimes overlook or “forget” the reasons why they are not a good match for us. We remember the positive aspects of a person while ignoring the negative aspects. Thinking honestly about why you split up can help you gain perspective on the situation and accept that your new boyfriend may be a better fit for you right now.
Did your ex commit a heinous crime, such as lying to you or cheating on you? Were you and your partner incompatible, or did you grow apart?
Did he abandon you for someone else, or did he simply break up with you for no apparent reason? Was it something you did that caused the relationship to end?
Write yourself a letter in which you list all of the reasons why your ex was not the right person for you. You can refer to it as often as you need to.
3. Consider whether you’re truly ready for a new relationship. If you are not invested in your current relationship and have not moved on from your ex, you should consider whether you are ready to date right now. It may be best to give yourself some alone time to process your feelings before attempting to force yourself to feel a certain way about your current boyfriend.
Ask yourself if you’re dating him because you like him or for some other reason. Is it my intention to exact vengeance on my ex or to make him envious? Is it just that I like the idea of being with someone and don’t want to be alone?
Consider that if you still love your ex, you may not be ready to start dating again. You may need to spend some time working through your feelings and healing before you are ready to date again.
While you’re getting over your ex, spend some time with friends and family, work on personal goals, and work on improving your self-esteem.
4. Avoid making contact with your ex. You should not communicate with your ex unless there is a compelling reason to do so, and especially not on a regular basis. Keeping in touch will make it more difficult for you to move and will keep you stuck loving him. This will eventually get in the way of your new relationship.
Don’t call, text, email, or drop by to check on him. He’s all right.
Consider temporarily blocking him on social media so that his posts don’t appear on your timeline and remind you of him or tempt you to comment on them.
If you must maintain contact, keep it brief and avoid discussing your previous relationship.
5. Learn to look at your ex in a different light. Some relationships end for very good, obvious reasons — for example, someone cheated, or the relationship was toxic and unhealthy. However, sometimes a relationship ends for no apparent reason — you love each other but want different things, one of you had to relocate, etc. — and these can be especially difficult to overcome. Your ex may be a wonderful person who deserves your love, but it just wasn’t the right time. So, how do you move on from this person? Try to distinguish between the familiar, admiration-type of love and the romantic type of love you hoped for.
It’s perfectly normal to have feelings after a relationship has ended. Remember that your ex was a big part of your life for a long time, and it can be difficult to close your heart again after you’ve opened it.
6. Allow time to do its work. As time passes, you will begin to think less and less about your previous relationship, and you will eventually be able to let go of your feelings for your ex. It could take several weeks, months, or even a year. But you must be patient and allow time to help you move forward.
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