Raising a child is difficult enough, but it can become even more difficult when your child decides that they no longer like you or want to be around you. Whether you and your partner got into a fight or she’s just been in a bad mood lately, hearing the words “I hate you” can do a lot of damage to a relationship. It is possible to work around her feelings and get your parent-daughter relationship back on track, which is a blessing in disguise. Check out the rest of this article to learn how to approach your daughter and be there for her when she needs to talk.
1. Listen to her.
If she tells you that she despises you, give her the benefit of the doubt. Even though it may be difficult to hear her, it is critical that you allow her to express herself and say what she needs to say. If she believes she has the ability to express herself, she will be more likely to collaborate with you on solving her problems.
Not yelling or interrupting her is extremely important here. If you do this, you will only exacerbate the situation further.
If you’re dealing with an adult daughter who is upset with you, it’s even more critical that you pay attention to what she’s trying to communicate. Perhaps if you and your partner can have an honest conversation about what is bothering her, you will be able to repair your relationship.
2. Validate her opinion.
She is powerless in the face of what she is experiencing right now. No matter how dramatic or ridiculous her situation appears to you, try to convince her that her thoughts and feelings are legitimate. Thank her for sharing her feelings with you and encourage her to continue to do so in the future.
You could say something along the lines of, “Thank you for informing me.” I was completely unaware of your feelings. It sounds like you’re going through a very difficult time right now.”
When dealing with an adult child, it’s important not to speak down to her. Talk to her as if she’s an adult if you want to have a more rational conversation.
3. Give her some space.
It’s possible that pressuring her to speak will make things worse. If your daughter tells you she despises you and doesn’t want to be around you, don’t take it personally. Hopefully, she’ll take some time to calm down so you two can talk it out when she’s feeling a little more comfortable with you.
It will also provide you with some breathing room to cool down. It’s upsetting to hear your daughter tell you that she despises you, so you should take some time to process your feelings about it.
4. Stay calm.
Make an effort not to become angry or upset. Despite the fact that hearing the words “I hate you” can be difficult, don’t show it. The greater your ability to maintain control over your emotions, the more smoothly your interactions with one another will go.
If you react with rage, you and your partner are almost certain to get into a physical altercation.
5. Keep the rules the same.
Maintain the same boundaries with your daughter that you’ve always had with her. If she is still residing at home, her curfew should remain unchanged. If your daughter is an adult and living away from home, you should allow her to come over and visit whenever she wants. The greater the degree to which you maintain stability, the better the outcome.
Particularly if your daughter is a teenager, it’s only natural to want to tighten the reins and enforce the rules on her. Children with strict parents, on the other hand, are more likely to act out in secret and are less likely to open up to you about issues in their lives.
6. Praise her for the positives.
Make an effort to compliment her on her good behaviour as well as her bad. Whenever you notice your daughter doing something admirable, point it out to her and express your delight in her accomplishment. It doesn’t matter how old she is; she will appreciate your encouragement and support.
A common pattern among disrespectful and emotionally disturbed children is that they only interact with their parents when they have done something wrong, which can lead to feelings of resentment and anger.
If your daughter is a teenager, compliment her on her good test scores or on her compliance with her curfew schedule.
If your daughter is an adult, compliment her on more significant achievements, such as her career choice or the birth of her own children.
7. Counteract her hate with love.
Keep your love for your daughter alive, no matter what you do. Even though she claims to despise you at the moment, it is unlikely that she will continue to feel that way indefinitely. Continue to be her parent and to stand by her side no matter what happens.
It’s possible that you’ll have to deal with some gloomy moods or a few snarky remarks from your daughter, especially if she’s a teenager.
8. Get to the root of the problem.
What is it that your daughter is truly upset about? Is it a result of something you did, or is she stressed out about something else in her life? While it is acceptable to inquire calmly and gently about what is going on, avoid pressing the issue (and do not be offended if she refuses to divulge any information).
You could say something along the lines of, “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been as enthusiastic about school lately.” Is everything in working order?”
If your daughter is an adult and she is upset with you, she will most likely be able to explain why she is upset with you. Try to be patient with her, even if it means putting your feelings aside.
9. Distract yourself if you start ruminating.
It can be difficult to deal with conflict that arises between you and your child. Do something to divert your attention if you notice that your thoughts are spinning or if you can’t seem to stop thinking about it. Jog around the block, solve a crossword puzzle, or play with your pet. The more you can get yourself to stop thinking about it, the better you’ll feel overall.
Make an effort to pay attention to your own body as well. Remove tension from your shoulders and jaw by taking a deep inhale and exhale through your nose.
10. Be there when she reaches out again.
She should be greeted with open arms. Try not to hold it against her, and instead focus on improving your relationship in the future. Do something special for the two of you and avoid bringing up the fact that you weren’t getting along so well earlier in the day.
Make an effort to keep your door open at all times so she feels welcomed by you. In the event that you push her away, there’s a chance she won’t want to reconnect with you in the future.
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