It can be extremely difficult to witness members of your family fighting. Whether you are directly involved or not, you may experience feelings of sadness, anger, or even shame when your family members yell and scream at one another. In order to have a calm and civil discussion with your family about your concerns, there are a few techniques you can implement. If you require additional assistance, you may wish to seek the advice of a mental health professional.
1 Keep your cool.
When your family is at odds, it’s easy to become enraged. Instead of yelling or screaming instead of speaking calmly, take a walk around the block to calm yourself down. It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to; speaking calmly will always be preferable to yelling or screaming.
If you find yourself becoming stressed, you can also try deep breathing or counting to ten.
Getting physically active is also never a good idea. Attempt to work out some of your aggression by punching your pillow or hitting a baseball a few times before talking with your family members.
2 Call a family meeting.
It will be much easier to speak with everyone at the same time if you do so in groups. Consider whether there is a good time and day that works for everyone in your family to get together and spend time together. After that, you can all get together and discuss your concerns.
If you’re younger, you might consider requesting that your parents call a family meeting to which all of your siblings are invited.
If the problem is with your extended family, you might want to consider asking them to communicate via video chat or phone.
3 Listen to everyone.
Give everyone in the family an opportunity to express themselves. Everyone will feel as if they have a say in what is going on in this manner. Never interrupt, even if it appears that someone is lying or acting dramatically; when it is your turn to speak, you will have the opportunity to bring up the issues that are bothering you.
Allowing everyone to express themselves can be difficult, especially if they are saying things that make you angry. Everyone will listen to what you have to say if you allow them to speak before you speak yourself.
4 Maintain neutral body language.
The way you roll your eyes and sigh conveys a great deal about your thoughts. When you’re listening to other people talk, try to keep your expression neutral and your emotions hidden. When you speak, try to keep your tone of voice light and avoid yelling or lashing out in frustration.
Have you ever had the experience of someone rolling their eyes while you were talking? It has the potential to make you even more enraged than you were before! You can keep the peace by keeping an eye on your body language during the conversation.
5 Communicate your needs.
Identify how you’re feeling and how you’d like to resolve the situation. Inform your family of what is going on in your life so that they can help you move forward. If someone attempts to interrupt you, remind them calmly that you allowed them to speak, and that they must do the same for you.
“When you yell at me for not doing my chores but don’t yell at my sister, it makes me feel hurt,” you could say for example. I believe that we are not receiving the same treatment as everyone else in the house, which is unfair.”
6 Use “I” language.
Concentrate on how you’re feeling in order to solve the problems. In order to avoid blaming or calling out your family members, try to use as many “I” statements as you can. As a result, people may be less defensive and more willing to work through issues with you as a result of this.
Consider the following example: rather than saying, “You yell at me too much,” you could say, “When you yell at me, I feel afraid.”
As an alternative to saying, “You never listen to me,” you could say, “When you talk over me, it makes me feel like I don’t have a say in what happens in the family.
7 Try not to take sides.
You should maintain a neutral position if you are not directly involved in the fight. It will only make the situation worse if you take sides between your parents, siblings, or extended family members. Pay attention to what everyone has to say and make an effort to provide unbiased advice.
It can be difficult not to take sides, especially if you believe one person is in the right in the circumstances. You might want to consider involving an outside mediator, such as a mental health professional, if you’re the only adult in the family.
8 Come up with a resolution.
Finally, it is time to express what you desire for the future. Make an effort to come up with something that everyone in the family will approve of. Instead of trying to come up with the perfect solution, choose something that everyone can agree on, even if it means sacrificing some convenience.
For example, if you and your siblings are constantly fighting over who gets to use the bathroom first thing in the morning, consider creating a bathroom schedule with time limits.
If you are not directly involved in the conflict, it is possible that you will not be able to come up with a solution, and that is perfectly acceptable. Make an effort to work with your other family members to come up with something that everyone will enjoy.
9 Leave the area if things get heated.
Family disagreements can quickly devolve into acrimony. If anyone begins to yell, scream, or engage in physical contact with one another, it’s time to leave the room. Inform everyone that you will be able to reconvene once everyone has agreed to be civil and courteous to one another.
Whenever a child feels threatened, he or she should speak with a trusted adult, such as a teacher or a guidance counsellor. They can assist you in determining your next course of action.
10 Seek the help of a mental health professional if you require it.
Sometimes you and your family are unable to come to a consensus on a solution. If you’re an adult in the family, you might want to consider consulting with a family therapist. They can assist you in working through your issues in a calm and civilised manner in order to reach a solution that is acceptable to all parties involved.
Individual therapy sessions with a therapist can also be beneficial in identifying solutions to family problems. This is an excellent option if your family is opposed to therapy or if you do not live in the same geographical area as your family members.
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