How to Find the Right Girl

It’s not easy to find the right girl for a great relationship. How do you find the “right one” for you? Knowing who you are, what you want, and looking in the right places are all important factors in finding your Ms. Right.

Part 1: Getting Ready

1. Live your life to the fullest. A life that is interesting and fulfilling will make you more appealing to potential mates. After all, would you want to date someone who appears to have no hobbies, interests, or friends? Spend time with friends, pursue your own interests, and learn new hobbies to become a well-rounded person. That way, when you finally meet the right girl, you’ll have a lot to offer her.

2. Have faith in yourself. You can’t expect someone else to love you unless you first love yourself. While everyone has insecurities, allowing them to consume you will only make you unappealing to potential mates. If you can’t get past your insecurities, ask a friend to point out your strengths. If that doesn’t work, work with a counsellor, therapist, or a trusted member of the clergy to boost your confidence.

Keep a positivity journal. Keep track of your accomplishments, compliments, and positive thoughts about yourself throughout the day. Negative thoughts about yourself may not completely disappear, but focusing on the positive aspects of your life will improve your overall sense of self-worth.

Motivate yourself. Making positive affirmations every day can help you gain confidence. Look in the mirror for a few moments each day and tell yourself something encouraging, whether it’s something you believe about yourself or something you’d like to believe about yourself. You can even write your affirmations down and keep them in easily accessible places, such as your wallet or the home screen of your phone.

You must forgive yourself. Meanwhile, keep in mind that no one is perfect and that everyone makes mistakes. Be sure to forgive yourself when you exhibit flaws.

3. Avoid being desperate. Neediness is an excellent way to turn off romantic partners. Those who are drawn to desperation are unlikely to be good candidates for a healthy relationship. When you meet a girl, don’t immediately drop everything to be at her beck and call, and don’t bombard her with calls and texts.

When you put in too much effort to find the right girl, you set your expectations far too high. Live a fulfilling life and don’t obsess over the fact that you haven’t met your soul mate. Love finds those who aren’t looking for it.

4. Determine the qualities you are looking for. If you’ve already decided on the qualities you want in a mate, you’ll find it easier to recognise a good potential partner when you meet her. Should she be religious, educated, funny, gentle with animals, or devoted to children? Knowing what you’re looking for will help you recognise a good match when you meet her.

5. Make a list of your absolute must-haves. Everyone, whether they realise it or not, has qualities or behaviours that are deal breakers in relationships.  Formal paraphrase Spend some time considering the qualities that you absolutely do not want in your ideal partner. Dishonesty is a deal breaker for many, while others may object to cruelty, prejudice, substance abuse, or a lack of ambition. Knowing your deal breakers is just as important as knowing what attracts you in determining compatibility, and it can save you a lot of wasted time and effort in a dead-end relationship.

Religion, political beliefs, whether or not you want children, and where you want to live are all potential points of contention.

6. Maintain your adaptability. Just because you’ve decided what qualities appeal to you doesn’t mean your ideal mate will have all of them. In fact, people are frequently surprised to find love in unexpected places. Consider your attractions as a guideline rather than a hard and fast rule.

7. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. One of the quickest ways to find Ms. Wrong is to look for a mate with a specific physique, hair colour, or facial features. Even the best looks fade with time, and while chemistry is important, if all you have in common is physical chemistry, your relationship is doomed from the start.

Part 2: Looking for Love

1. Make the most of your opportunities. Don’t leave your love life up to chance; you can’t expect to meet the perfect woman on a random trip to the grocery store or even while ordering a drink at the bar. Take a class that interests you, join a club, attend church, visit online dating websites, or even accept blind dates to start your search.

Also, don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. While you might take an art class or join a new church, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also try online dating or any of the other options for meeting new women.

2. Look in the right places. While you should take advantage of every opportunity to meet new women, don’t waste your time doing so in places that are uninteresting to you. If you are not religious, you may not want to meet women in a church, and if drinking is a deal breaker for you, you should probably avoid looking for a potential partner in a bar. Similarly, go to places that interest you. Are you a science-fiction fan? Why not go to a bookstore or a Star Wars convention to meet women? Perhaps you are a fan of the arts. Consider looking for a potential mate in an art class or at a museum.

3. Exhibit tenacity. If you don’t succeed the first time, try, try again. Just because you didn’t meet your ideal woman on one online dating site, blind date, or dance class doesn’t mean she won’t be waiting for you on the next. Don’t give up on one method of meeting women because it didn’t work the first time or two. There are a lot of people in the world, and finding the right partner is a numbers game in which you’ll often meet a lot of Ms. Wrongs before you find Ms. Right.

Part 3: Finding the Right Girl

1. Invite her out. You’ll never know unless you try, as the saying goes. Don’t be afraid to ask a woman out on a date if you find her interesting and attractive. Don’t assume she’s out of your league or wait for her to initiate contact. What could possibly go wrong? You move on to someone else when she says no. Simply be direct and honest in your proposal.

Based on your previous conversation, you can choose to ask in earnest: “Hey, you appear to be a very interesting person. Would you like to grab a drink later in the week?” or, in a more romantic tone, “I have to say, when I saw you from across the room, my eyes lit up.” They lit up even more when we started talking. Would you like to go out for a drink later?”

2. Maintain a relaxed tone. Drinks are fine for a first date, and asking her out on a quick outing will relieve some of the pressure. You don’t want to sit through a seven-course meal with someone you’ve just met, especially if the chemistry is obvious by the time the entrees arrive. Choose a familiar setting for maximum comfort, as well as a location that is convenient for both of you.

3. Small talk allows you to get to know each other better. Because you probably know very little about the person, you should look for common ground as casually as possible. Remember to stay true to yourself. To impress your date, don’t pretend you love a certain food or that you know everything about a movie you’ve never seen.

Inquire about your date with open-ended questions. “So, what got you interested in rock climbing?” for example, is a more effective question than “So, you’re interested in rock climbing?”

Talk about your immediate surroundings. Don’t be so cliche as to talk about the weather; instead, talk about whatever you’re both doing. If you’re participating in a sport, you could say something like, “Wow, you’re really talented. If I ever need my butt kicked, I’ll know where to go. Do you come here often to play?”

Relate to the responses of your date. If she mentions an activity she enjoys and you can relate, don’t be afraid to share your own similar experience.

4. Recognize red flags. It can be difficult to tell whether someone you’re interested in is acting suspiciously, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Asking a lot of questions during your first dates is a good way to spot deal breakers. What are her long-term objectives? Is she fond of children? Is she still on good terms with her previous partners? Because you’ve already determined your wants, needs, and deal breakers, you’ll have a better idea of what characteristics to look for and inquire about.

Inquire, for example, “Do you have any siblings?” and “Where do you want to be in five years?”

While it’s important to learn about your partner, don’t bombard her with questions all the time. Introduce them gradually and appropriately into the conversation.

5. Look for shared values and goals. Just as you want to identify your deal breakers, you also want to determine whether you and a potential mate share similar goals and values. Again, because you’ve already decided what you’re looking for, you’ll be in a better position to identify commonalities. Do you have a sense of humour in common? Are your long-term objectives in sync? Is she a person with the same core values as you? Answering these three questions will give you a good idea of whether or not you and your partner have a future together.

6. Don’t put too much pressure on the relationship. While you may be eager to learn everything there is to know about a woman and determine whether she is right for you, don’t rush the relationship. While you shouldn’t waste time determining whether you share core goals and values, you also don’t have to answer every question on the first date. Take some time to get to know each other naturally, and as the relationship develops, ask key questions.

Similarly, don’t rush down the aisle at the first sign of attraction and common interests. Sometimes a person’s true colours emerge only after the excitement of the initial getting-to-know-you period has passed. It’s not only important to have fun dating without worrying about making commitments before getting to know your partner, but couples who end up being successful in love aren’t the ones who commit while still starry-eyed and full of hormonal attraction.

Just as you should take your time getting to know your potential mate, you should also take your time with your physical relationship. Before you move your relationship to a physical level, get to know each other and see if you really like each other’s personalities.

7. Accept the rejection and keep moving forward. The best relationships are not forged. If she doesn’t call or agree to another date, don’t let the rejection shake your faith and determination. Simply accept that she wasn’t the right girl for you, and be thankful that you didn’t waste weeks, months, or years with the wrong person.

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